The early birds failed to catch the Crush last Friday in the first morning skate of the season. The Crush were led by veteran left winger, Monty Trottier. Monty credits his early morning success to an off ice training regiment. "When the puck drops at 6:30am you can safely bet that I have already jogged six miles, done 100 push-ups, 50 jump squats, and a session of 30-minute abs", Monty states. This guy is being modest, what he failed to mention is that he ran six miles up hill carrying his hockey bag and finished the session of 30-minute abs in a mere 22 minutes. Trottier generally arrives to the rink sipping his second protein shake and listening to AC/DC. Look out Adrian Pederson, I hear Cytosport may be after Monty for their next Muscle Milk spokesman! Monty registered three goal and one assist in Friday's game. With the human highlight reel, Levi Shugart, helping out on the blue line; there was an opportunity for someone else to step up.....Trottier gladly accepted the challenge. Although a points minded Shugart tried to rush the puck each shift, he was held to a lonely single assist. Which is more than I can say for Beanzy, who decided that making pizza at night is a good enough excuse to skip the early games...Unbelievable, especially when the Crush are looking for Polzin to be a leader. As for the Super Cocks, thanks for showing up guys, it was better than playing with ourselves....
While we are on the subject of laziness, selfishness, and lack of respect let's talk about sophomore defenseman, Eric Swenson. Swenson does add to improving the defensive core when he shows up. However, there are two things that really make for an unpleasant locker room experience. First, is obviously lack of beer, running low on beer, running out of beer, etc. Friday morning beer man was listed as Tom Soucek. Souch was present, but the beer was not. I may not speak for everyone, but I bet there are a few guys who would gladly enjoy an adult beverage at 6:30am. Second, and a far more serious offense, is the absence of the coveted MVP stick. I will give Swenson a hall pass on the first occurrence, as he was attending a funeral. But this second time was the last straw. The rule clearly states, "If said recipient of the glorious MVP stick will not be in attendance at the following game, he/she is responsible for making arrangements, such that, the MVP stick will be, and always will be, in attendance". This may or may not be a big deal to some, but what about for that douche bag d-man who has a career night and is honored by a pat on the back and an imaginary MVP trophy. I can easily see this guy crying himself to sleep and stroking the empty space between him and the wife where the MVP stick should be....STOP THINKING ABOUT YOURSELF HERE! Anyways I have to give my nomination for this game MVP to Monty Trottier, so Eric....don't say sorry to me, say sorry to Monty. And for committing this crime it has been deemed by the league that you be fined one case of beer. This case should be stored in your vehicle at all times for the remainder of the season. In the event of a beer deficit, this case may be called upon by a gathering of at least four or more Crush members.
BREAKING NEWS:
Self appointed Capt., Cody Bart, is currently listed as day-to-day after Friday's game. The organization has released word of a potential high ankle sprain. Bart's return for next Sunday's game is questionable. Some post game chatter leads us to believe that Bart deserved it. "Anytime you time you attempt three toe drags on the d-side of your own hash marks you should suffer a high ankle sprain", commented Crush temporary d-man, Levi Shugart. In any event, just short of setting a d-zone deke record in front of the net Bart was laid out by his own partner, Kenny "Wildthing" Williams. "Ken The Plumber" was unavailable for comment following the game. Kenny has since reached out to his defense partner and has assured fans that it was in deed an accident....Would the Cocks pay Williams to take out Bart.....Why wouldn't they take out someone better at hockey? Only time will tell as this on ice drama unfolds...
Side Notes:
The Crush have narrowed the results for a new team logo. With the new logo comes a new team identity. We are currently seeking a team member to step up and take charge of the new jersey project. The new sweaters could either be sponsored by a local business or paid for by the team. Also we are looking for creative individuals to initiate the CrushTV project. CrushTV would allow for player profiles, one ice interviews, post game interviews, and the coveted Crush locker room chat to be available on youtube.
BOX SCORE:
First Period
1. Darby (Soucek)
2. Stoney (Ryland, Monty)
3. Monty (unassisted)
Second Period
4. Monty (Stoney, Ryland)
Third Period
5. Darby (Levi)
- Cocks
6. Monty (Stoney)
Next Game: Sunday Nov. 9th @ 4:30pm versus the Green Machine (aka Gang Bang).
Beerman: Pete Bondo (we haven't seen Pete yet this season, so Eric & Soucek have beer ready)
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12 comments:
Maybe you misunderstood me, if you insist on dangling, go ahead and do it in the other teams end. I didn't mean for you to try it in your own end. I can cover for you when you turn it over in the offensive zone but it's a bitch to cover for you when you turn it over in your own crease.
Yo, fairyDawg here, one case of beer is the equivalent to a slap on the wrist. How are people going to learn the value of being named MVP. I agree that Eric should be given a freebie for the first time, but I think from now on, further repercussions should entail. I now open the floor to further this discussion.
One more thing, no one has come forward as of yet with admission of saying or thinking the word "shutout." I am still waiting.
Self-appointed Cody Bart also received the team-appointed Angry Chicken, given to the game's most perturbed and sullen player. After complaining of sore genitals, Bart then took a Cock boomer on the right foot, sending him hobbling to the lonely end of the bench. Finally, in a clear case of old-school meets new-school, K-Dub Williams SHELLACKED the agile, euro-style Bartholemew just feet from his own crease. "Boo-yeah!" bellowed Williams as he got up from his own end of the spill. "Nobody toe-drags that many times that close to Broadbridge... NOBODY!" Bart, clearly disoriented, finished out the game merely going through the motions on the ice and whimpering in search of nonexistent Kokanee on the bench. Also a first, so upset was Boom Boom that rumor has it he lost track of the stat sheet, and had to tap one of the rookies for the recap after the game. Now the chicken squaks and screeches every time Bart takes a stride with his hockey bag on his shoulder... or rolls over to hug his wife at night. We ought to see a +4 performance (under the influence) from Cody after a long week with the Chicken.
It's way too early in the season for the kind of team destroying talk we're seeing here.
Lost MVP trophy? No beer? Tubbs going through the motions? (I'm curious as to how thats different from his usual performance)
These sound like the problems of a sub 500 team half way through the season. It's early, one loss on the year and the team is falling apart.
We've established who claims to be the captain, but who's going to step up and pull this team back together?
This group is in need of a madatory team bonding session...who's paying for the keg?
You guys can continue to dog the average play of Boom Daddy Bart, but at least he shows up every night and brings beer when he is beerman. We'll see how the defense do w/out Bart as he has now been moved to the IR. This was a decision made by management to free up a roster spot for the time being.
Everyone just RELAX. Have you seen our line-up? Everything is going to be just fine. Truth is everyone is happy to be skating again and since we've got our loss for the season out of the way early, we can get back to the business of winning. We only get better from here on and that is going to be scarey for the rest of the league. Team morale and unity will spike as soon as the beer man comes through, simple as that. The Rookie party and consistancy from the beer man will bond this team as we begin our peak for playoffs.
Its a proven fact that the crush like to peak early. This year we will continue to get better all year and not only destroy teams on the ice but more importantly, in the locker room. 'cause that's what the crush do!!
Erik, Bring the stick or I will have Carl sit on you!!!
gimme the f'n chicken... I want to know who this 2and10 antagonist is.
Though many thought Beanzy didn't show because he doesn't have it in him to rise from his sleeping bag at 6 am after a long night reading Jack London novels in the RV, I should remind the Crush that he was on the annual Polzin family pheasant hunt in South Dakota. Typically Beanz returns from the midwest flatlands of his youth and puts on a flurry of big point nights. South Dakota and Minnesota are pretty much the same place, right?
thanks darby for having my back while these voltures picked away at seemingly dead meat. however, i truely was in the flatlands, recuperating and regaining perspective so that when i return on sunday i will have a full tank of piss and vinegar. the frozen ponds of the flatlands have a way of doing this to a man, also killing many things too. maybe boom boom can coach from the sidelines since leading by example is not his forte. jack london does provide nice "rough style" living entertainment but mostly it's MILF magazine in which i enjoy all the great photos of local bozeman/belgrade women, some of which have close connections to the crush(they will remain annonomous) however there was an interesting STD section at the end where it featured Carl as the center piece, is that weird or coincedence?
beanzy, why wont it let me sign in
Due to this little thing I like to call "I'm a widow season"...I mean "hunting season" I haven't seen Pete Boondo much either.
I will however ensure that he arrives with beer on Sunday. Much like the Crush the "ring of power" is a mighty force.
Love, Mrs. Bondo
Now we're talking! Mrs. Bondo maybe you should take charge of locating our MVP stick and finding sponsors for our new jerseys too. Thanks for the support!
Darby
I've been called a lot of things before, but antagonist..?
I'm not going to throw you softballs, I'm asking the questions the people want answers to. If the word on the street is that The Crush are changing the colors of their website to keep up with other teams superior sites, I'm gonna say it. Who are we kidding, this team is destined to do great things, why can't we just talk about them?
And way to call me out anonymously!
I would also like to commend the Crush for making this team a family affair. Participation by spouses is a rare thing.
Bondo, please recognize how fortunate you are. Hunting multiple weekends would cost some people several paychecks in shopping sprees.
Mrs. Bondo, if you have time would you ever speak with my better half. When I left to skate last week she told me if I can't get home by 1:00am not to come home. I tried to explain the importance of the league and building team chemistry but she wasn't having it.
Sincerely,
Sean Avery
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