Blue Crush Hockey

BIGGER THAN ME

2008-12-17T07:49:00.000-08:00

It wasn't until last Sunday night when the ref skated by the bench bitching about the recent blog, or should I say lack there of, that I realized that this seemingly mindless publication is bigger then me. Now I have stuck to a number of excuses lately, like..."I have been busy at work", or..."I have two kids", or..."I have been busy dominating my fantasy hockey league". Well truth is, there is no excuse except negligence. And for taking away that once a week special treat where you slip into your authentic Crush jersey autographed by Levi Shugart, crack that 16oz PBR, and stuff one hand down your pants , I apologize....ENOUGH ALREADY, I said it....now let's get back to shit talkin' the opposition!

First I would like to give a shout out to the rec. league aka the future home of the Green Machine. Make room Pertzy, after Sunday night Green is going to need a rebuilding season with the rest of the puck lunchers. Seriously though, what happened to the former Crush keeper of the pipes, JLD Skinner? I have seen him get pumped in his last two outings. If he your fantasy goalie I am sure you have contemplated suicide. After leaving the Crush a couple years ago it has been all down hill for Long Dong. Why did he leave the Crush you ask? Why did he leave the endless pampering, the free beer, the cute girls chubby friends, the bottomless drinking from the MoDak Cup? Who knows, but I hope it was worth it. I just hope he's not paying a shrink once a week to talk about how pimpin' he used to be. I know where my friends go to get something off their chest and/or drink because of the pain..you guessed it...the Crush locker room. Not just dick and fart jokes anymore, we are actually changing lives. Home to three 18 packs after the late game on Sunday night. Now that is a bunch of guys who aren't worried about starting their week off with a pounding headache. Blah, blah, blah...where was I...I am a little rusty at this. Oh yeah, Green Machine sucks donkey ballz...

Game went something like this. Stoney scored the first goal of the game unassisted and proceeded to celebrate with his patented double arm raise...in your face Skinner! The rest of the game was fairly lack luster until late in the third. The was an unexplainable turnover in the offensive zone and the result was some green guy on a break away. This is where is gets good. Cody "Boom Boom" Bart chases this kid down (half his age) and proceeds to sacrifice his own body by diving and saving what was sure to be a game changing goal and/or shot on net. The result was a penalty shot. Dangle dangle dangle poop your breezers...stoned by Broadbrige. Get serious, you better bring a better move than that. Game Over...8-3...Crush win.

I need to give shout outs to Chris "Nasty" Gomer and Chris "The Earl" Edmunds, as both former Crush vets stepped in over the holidays and dawned the Crush blue. They both have been bitching about not seeing their names on the net in a while, so there you go. Call your wife/girlfriend and tell her you were published. Should be good for at least a handy???

BOX SCORE: 8-2

First Period:

1. Stoney (unassisted)

- Green

2. Beanzy (Darby, Levi)

3. Darby (Levi)

Second Period:

4. Swenson (Darby, Eric)

5. Levi (Beanzy)

Third Period:

6. Beanzy (Stoney, Darby, Bart...)

7. Stoney (Beanzy, Darby)

- Green

8. Darby (Levi)

Game MVP: Stoney

Next Game: Saturday Dec. 20th @ 1:30pm versus Phat Pharm

Beerman: not sure, check your schedule

ROCKY MOUNTAIN SPORTS REPORT

2008-12-08T09:51:00.000-08:00

November 29, 2008

CRUSH VS Big Sky

As a point of introduction, I am the substitute… the man holding the bag…. sitting at a desk all alone…because the greatest sports writer of all time “Cody Bartz” put family first and went on a Turkey Holiday…leaving me to pick up the pieces…to write about a team of such talent they will never be duplicated …that team….the MIGHTY CRUSH! But amongst all of this hype, behind the scenes, in the CRUSH locker room, I would guess there will be dissension tonight. Cody Bartz has left town and taken the coveted MVP stick. With the rules the captain himself has set forth, he will be ineligible to play the next four games and will be cleaning toilet bowls at the rink.

But, the buzz around town was that the MIGHTY CRUSH were looking for revenge against the notorious Big Sky. The bar keepers along main street, from the “Rockin’ R” to the “Cannery”, knew business would be slow during game time….but if the MIGHTY CRUSH (home town favorites) came out on top, the juices would be flowing late into the night…..

When I showed up an hour before the game, the line into the arena was backed up to the hog barn. Fans were pushing and shoving through the pot holes in the parking lot…anxiously vying for the best seats in the house. I slipped through the side door hoping to elude the paparazzi that would be lurking, looking for an interview. On the chalk board, it was MIGHTY CRUSH, Locker room “A”….Big Sky Locker room “C”. Even the rink manager was pulling for the CRUSH. Earlier that night, on CNN, the manager was quoted…. “Ken the Plumber worked on this rink. When he shows up, his team automatically gets locker room “A”. Its faster hot water ‘cause its closest to the water heater. After the game, his team can get showered sooner, so as not to keep the news media waitin’….and Carl Swenson can hook up with the girls real quick.”

As I was stealthily working my way to the “A” locker room, a good looking CNN anchor woman stepped out from the shadows with a black headed microphone and before I could get away, blurted out “Wild Thing, are you looking for revenge?” “No ma’am, I’m looking for a great hockey game. I’m looking for that little puck to dance on the ice. I’m looking for that exhilarating feeling when two teams square off. I’m looking for the crowd’s roar to drown out the world’s woes.” “Did you come out of retirement for this rematch?” “No, I didn’t retire. When Patrick Broadbridge retires, then maybe I’ll hang up my skates. Until that happens, I don’t plan on breaking the chain!”

And tonight the stage was set once again. CRUSH vs. Big Sky. A sellout crowd! To quiet things down, Big Sky would take an early lead with a goal from Chris Hriskovian. In the early days of Ice Dog Hockey, he was a fan favorite (and my wife’s)…..the only player on the ice with facial hair. (Correct me if I am wrong, but besides Cliff the Zamboni driver, Hertig and Wilky, I can’t think of another Old Ice Dog that made the Hotty CRUSH girls take a second look). Wild Thing, being jealous of the attention Hriskovian was getting, with 20 seconds remaining in the first, tied up Cassale in front, and Julian answered top shelf. End of the first: MIGHTY CRUSH 1, Big Sky 1. Tom Cassale promptly had words with the ref…to no avail.

To start out the second, with Net minder Broadbridge home, under the weather, the crowd encouraged the fill-in goalie, chanting “Skinny, Skinny Skinny!” He answered their call with CRUSH style defense….pucks only in the opponents net! Living the dream, CRUSH’S Chris Gomez, another new talent visiting over the holidays, lit up the scoreboard like a neon light! Whatever Patrick Broadbridge paid for this guy was not enough! By the end of the second frame every woman in the house knew he deserved a CRUSH jersey! Two goals, one top shelf, one left side low….to put the CRUSH up 3-1. Between periods, single girls of all ages crammed the tunnel leading to the locker room in hopes of catching a glimpse of the new CRUSH star! Security men pushed thru the crowd to lead a few members of the team for a beer break. Gomez stayed on the ice, basking in the glory of wearing “Blue” instead of “Green”. Levi Shugart claimed he had only witnessed this much pandemonium one time (reminiscing about his thrilling game on February 4^th last year.).

The third period saw another goal by Hriskovian. CRUSH by one. The crowd fretted. But another CRUSH star in the limelight steps up! After a back handed pass along the boards from Wild Thing, Julian would whistle in all alone to seal the game with a quick left side goal. 4-2 CRUSH! The crowd had another idol! With six minutes remaining, the girls chanted “Julian, we want three! We want three!” Their cheers echoed off the walls in a thunderous roar! (With his mind in the gutter, Julian knew he was packing more than three!)

At the buzzer, girls of every denomination raced onto the ice. This was a classic brawl…and they wanted in on the action. The referees did what they were supposed to do…they calmed them down. Teams shook hands, girls stood idly by, waiting for the post game celebration. Carl Swenson donned his “Stars and Stripes” shirt and informed a large throng of girls that after his obligatory Busch Lite with the team, he would emerge from the locker room with his matching “snapping pants”.

And the Absentee MVP stick goes to Julian! And Cody Bartz got the plunger!

Signed: Ken Williams

Fantasy Update: Week 5

2008-11-14T09:44:00.000-08:00

Without further a due, let's check in on the Crush and see how things have been going thus far. After the slow start the Crush freshman class has adapted well with this new style of play. If you want to skate with the Crush all you need to know are a few simple rules. Rule #1: No mercy. The Crush will run up the score on any team at any time w/out any remorse for peoples feelings. In one particular game last season (the score was well into double digits) some clown asked star forward, Levi Shugart, "Is this fun for you guys". Let me just say it took everything in Shuggi-Bear's power not to blow a gut laughing. The answer is: YES! Of course it is fun scoring an obscene number of goals and then comparing ridiculous stats in the locker room over beers. C'mon, this is men's league, this is all we have left... Rule #2: Beerman. If you are beerman, you are responsible for quenching the the powerful thirst of the Crush players on that given morning/night. We would prefer that the beer be to the rink at least thirty minutes prior to the game. The d-men call this time "stretching" or "warm-ups". Rule #3: MVP Stick. Much like rule #2 the coveted MVP trophy is required to be at all Crush games. No exceptions. That's about it...there are a few rules in the works like mandatory passing to the point, shooting instead of passing to Levi on 2-on-1's, not looking directly at Mufasa in the shower, etc. These and any other rules can only be implemented by majority vote, so they are, at this point, unlikely.

To avoid any hate mail, let's take a minute to recap the last Crush game versus Green. I know this is the point where I usually trash talk the losers, but the Kama Sutra master himself, P. M. Broadbridge, is pushing for a more positive attitude throughout the organization. So....good game green machine....thanks for the funny....And this is the point where I usually add that funny one liner that makes or breaks this weeks blog, and I can't resist. Former Crush netminder, Josh "L.D." Skinner saw more rubber than his new girlfriend when she unrolled her first Trojan Magnum..HI-YO!

NEWS UPDATE:

Self appointed gift to women, Cody "Boom-Goes-The-Dynamite" Bart is still listed as day-to-day. Although he skated on a bum ankle last week he has not fully recovered. Any side to side movement w/out proper medication is very painful. He may be in line-up tomorrow night, but at a limited role.

Side Notes:

Early stat numbers are in and surprisingly Shuggi-Bear has been dethroned for the time being in the points race. Levi is currently in second place, but that doesn't mean much as he only trails rookie, Ry-Guy Nelson, by a single tally. I recommend not playing Levi's line mates this week in fantasy hockey. The weather forecast calls for rain...w/out the chance of Levi passing.

BOX SCORE:

First Period:

- Green
1. Levi (Darby)
2. Darby (Beanzy, Levi)
- Green

Second Period:

3. Stanley (Wade, Ryland)
4. Carl G. (Wade, Stoney)
5. Levi (Darby, Bondo)
- Green
6. Beanzy (Levi)

Third Period:

7. Ryland (Stoney, Stanley)
8. Bondo (Beanzy)

Game MVP: Conor Darby

Next Game: Saturday Nov. 15th @ 10:30pm versus Phat Farm (WHO?)

Beerman: Tony Martel (I have doubted him in the past and he was offended...)

MVP Stick - MIA?

2008-11-03T07:59:00.000-08:00

The early birds failed to catch the Crush last Friday in the first morning skate of the season. The Crush were led by veteran left winger, Monty Trottier. Monty credits his early morning success to an off ice training regiment. "When the puck drops at 6:30am you can safely bet that I have already jogged six miles, done 100 push-ups, 50 jump squats, and a session of 30-minute abs", Monty states. This guy is being modest, what he failed to mention is that he ran six miles up hill carrying his hockey bag and finished the session of 30-minute abs in a mere 22 minutes. Trottier generally arrives to the rink sipping his second protein shake and listening to AC/DC. Look out Adrian Pederson, I hear Cytosport may be after Monty for their next Muscle Milk spokesman! Monty registered three goal and one assist in Friday's game. With the human highlight reel, Levi Shugart, helping out on the blue line; there was an opportunity for someone else to step up.....Trottier gladly accepted the challenge. Although a points minded Shugart tried to rush the puck each shift, he was held to a lonely single assist. Which is more than I can say for Beanzy, who decided that making pizza at night is a good enough excuse to skip the early games...Unbelievable, especially when the Crush are looking for Polzin to be a leader. As for the Super Cocks, thanks for showing up guys, it was better than playing with ourselves....

While we are on the subject of laziness, selfishness, and lack of respect let's talk about sophomore defenseman, Eric Swenson. Swenson does add to improving the defensive core when he shows up. However, there are two things that really make for an unpleasant locker room experience. First, is obviously lack of beer, running low on beer, running out of beer, etc. Friday morning beer man was listed as Tom Soucek. Souch was present, but the beer was not. I may not speak for everyone, but I bet there are a few guys who would gladly enjoy an adult beverage at 6:30am. Second, and a far more serious offense, is the absence of the coveted MVP stick. I will give Swenson a hall pass on the first occurrence, as he was attending a funeral. But this second time was the last straw. The rule clearly states, "If said recipient of the glorious MVP stick will not be in attendance at the following game, he/she is responsible for making arrangements, such that, the MVP stick will be, and always will be, in attendance". This may or may not be a big deal to some, but what about for that douche bag d-man who has a career night and is honored by a pat on the back and an imaginary MVP trophy. I can easily see this guy crying himself to sleep and stroking the empty space between him and the wife where the MVP stick should be....STOP THINKING ABOUT YOURSELF HERE! Anyways I have to give my nomination for this game MVP to Monty Trottier, so Eric....don't say sorry to me, say sorry to Monty. And for committing this crime it has been deemed by the league that you be fined one case of beer. This case should be stored in your vehicle at all times for the remainder of the season. In the event of a beer deficit, this case may be called upon by a gathering of at least four or more Crush members.

BREAKING NEWS:

Self appointed Capt., Cody Bart, is currently listed as day-to-day after Friday's game. The organization has released word of a potential high ankle sprain. Bart's return for next Sunday's game is questionable. Some post game chatter leads us to believe that Bart deserved it. "Anytime you time you attempt three toe drags on the d-side of your own hash marks you should suffer a high ankle sprain", commented Crush temporary d-man, Levi Shugart. In any event, just short of setting a d-zone deke record in front of the net Bart was laid out by his own partner, Kenny "Wildthing" Williams. "Ken The Plumber" was unavailable for comment following the game. Kenny has since reached out to his defense partner and has assured fans that it was in deed an accident....Would the Cocks pay Williams to take out Bart.....Why wouldn't they take out someone better at hockey? Only time will tell as this on ice drama unfolds...

Side Notes:

The Crush have narrowed the results for a new team logo. With the new logo comes a new team identity. We are currently seeking a team member to step up and take charge of the new jersey project. The new sweaters could either be sponsored by a local business or paid for by the team. Also we are looking for creative individuals to initiate the CrushTV project. CrushTV would allow for player profiles, one ice interviews, post game interviews, and the coveted Crush locker room chat to be available on youtube.

BOX SCORE:

First Period

1. Darby (Soucek)
2. Stoney (Ryland, Monty)
3. Monty (unassisted)

Second Period

4. Monty (Stoney, Ryland)

Third Period

5. Darby (Levi)
- Cocks
6. Monty (Stoney)

Next Game: Sunday Nov. 9th @ 4:30pm versus the Green Machine (aka Gang Bang).
Beerman: Pete Bondo (we haven't seen Pete yet this season, so Eric & Soucek have beer ready)

Broadbridge Returns - Winning Resumes!

2008-10-28T13:07:00.000-07:00

It has been rumored that the Crush dropped a heart breaking season opener (3-2) to the big strong men in yellow from the Big Sky region. Searching for this game online returns no results leading me to believe it never actually happened...

Beating the Norsemen last Sunday, however, did actually happen and this blogger was there to gather the goods for another long winded game recap...

The first period was the true test. Would the Crush bounce back from an alleged loss to Big Sky, or would they start the season off 0-2 for the first time since...well...forever. C'mon now, look at the headlines...of course we won. The first period was a rough road for some (Crush defensemen), but not for veteran center Matt "Beanzy" Polzin. Beanzy scored 3 of 5 in the first period to give the Crush a one goal lead going into the second. You heard me, we let the other team score. Sometimes giving the other team a few unanswered goals is the only thing to keep them around for the full hour. After that was out of our system we went 13 straight. Aah..we needed that! The Canadian beer does taste better after a win.

Letter to the Editor:

Dear Norsemen,

Don't go selling your gear just yet, the Crush may lose again (allegedly) this season. If and when that may happen I'm sure they will be calling you for a pick-up game to lift their spirits.

Love, Blue Crush.

Let's take a minute and talk about how the Crush forwards really look this season. We had two top lines last week that could battle any sixsome in the league. First up was the Beanzy, Levi, and Ryland unit a.k.a. "The Ry-Le-Bean". This triple threat hooked up on over half of the Crush tallies and produced a plethora of helpers. The second scoring line was Stoney, Trottier, and Darby a.k.a. the "STD-line". This combo of old-ballz and 70's style pubic hair dominated the power play and scored six out of the seventeen total goals. Look for these six to hypnotize the opposition this season and to provide a close points race for the fantasy leagues.

Goaltending was a tense subject around the Crush locker room and on the bench early Sunday night. There seemed to be a giant pink elephant in the room that no one would acknowledge. Broadbridge has been out as of late nursing a severed spinal column and it has been a grey area whether or not he would even return to the game. To make matters worse Chewy was hopped up on pain killers and battling a two day hangover. It was a surprise, however, to see him let in 4 of 5 shots in the first period to start the season off with a whopping 0.200 save percentage. Patrick did manage to bounce back and not allow one bad period dictate a tone for the whole game. Broadbridge proceeded to dazzle fans with a speedy glove hand and his tight butterfly. Although we have yet to see the patented double pad stack with flag raised a.k.a. "The Dead Lobster", this blogger is confident that PB will keep a starting spot for the remainder of the season.

Side Notes:
-The Crush have, for the time being, retired the massage "Buffalo" painting. This weekly gift was given to the nights most selfish player (too many toe-drags, etc.).

-With a rebuilding attitude in the locker room the Crush are seeking more positive awards. One of which was deployed last Sunday. The "Angry Chicken" was given to Conor Darby for a slight loss of composure late in the third period. Conor was inches away from receiving a potentially fatal slu-foot. Conor retaliated by dropping the guy with a shoulder and then applying the death stare. The award itself is a rubber chicken wearing a spotted bikini. Also it makes noise when you squeeze it. I guess this thing has therapeutic value?

-The holy grail of accomplishments is still the Blue Crush MVP stick. This is a traveling trophy awarded to the games MVP selected by the previous recipient. Nominations are welcome, especially when voting for defensemen.

BOX SCORE:

First Period

1. Beanzy (Ryland)
2. Beanzy (Wade)
- Norsemen
- Norsemen
- Norsemen
3. Stoney (Darby, Monty)
- Norsemen
4. Beanzy (Ryland, Wade)
5. Darby (Bart, Monty)

Second Period

6. Levi (Ryland)
7. Ryland (Levi, Beanzy)
8. Bart (Ryland, Beanzy)
9. Darby (Levi, Beanzy)
10. Darby (Levi, Stoney)
11. Beanzy (Ryland)

Third Period

12. Ryland (Beanzy)
13. Levi (Beanzy, Nick)
14. Stoney (Beanzy, Monty)
15. Ryland
16. Darby (Stoney, Monty)
17. Ryland (Levi)

Next Game: Friday Oct. 31 @ 6:30am versus the Super Cocks
Beerman: Tom Soucek

Crush Fantasy Forecaster: 2009 Season

2008-10-21T07:45:00.000-07:00

After a disappointing championship loss last spring the Crush have regrouped over the summer and are ready for another season of Rocky Mountain beer league hockey. "What's frustrating is the fact that we went 25 consecutive games last session without a loss," reflects Crush Capt., Cody "Boom-Boom" Bart. "We had only one tie on the year. I think the three consecutive losses following the All-Star break had a fatal effect on the remainder of our season", states Boom-Boom. The 2008 season totals for the Crush are as follows: 30 wins, 5 losses, and 1 tie. The Crush out-scored the opposition 272-120. Goaltender Patrick "Chewbacca" Broadbridge recorded a career high 3 shut-outs. That being said, this little stat-pat on the back doesn't add up to a championship ring. (or a sweet looking embroidered hoodie)

The 2009 Crush are a mix of old saggy ballz, the usual suspects, and a couple of rookies. Here is your exclusive 2009 season fantasy forecast:

Levi "Prof. Plum" Shugart - look for P-Plum to lead the league in points for the eighth consecutive season. Many have tried, but no one can seem to take away his crown. Levi finished last season with a whopping 73 goals and 46 assists. With Shugart starting the season alongside Darby and Beanzy look for those numbers to increase.

Conor "Au Naturale" Darby - last seasons second in points was Conor Darby. Natty managed 84 points total with 43 goals and 41 assists. Conor is projected to break 100 points this season. If you see Darby hauling in a half rack of Oly, play him, and expect greatness.

Ryland "The Rookie" Nelson - this newbie will replace Crush veteran forward, Chris Edmunds. These may be some large breezers to fill, literally, but The Rookie's scouting report is very promising. Skating with league vets Kevin Stone and Monty Trottier will only secure him a high average time on ice and power play minutes.

Matt "Beanzy" Polzin - Beanzy managed to secure the number four spot in the Crush points race last season, and that was before the All-Star break. Polzin only graced the Crush bench for the first two-thirds of the season, when he was called up the the big show. Fantasy Forecast: if he is on the roster any given night.....play him!

Monty Trottier - it is good to see Monty wearing Crush blue for the second time in his lustrous career. With the former Dog Pack folding in the off season Trottier was picked up as a free agent. Although contract negotiations could take all season, look for Trottier to go in the first round of your fantasy draft.

Kevin "Stoney" Stone - this is another new acquisition form the former Red Army. Stoney is not only filling a forward spot, but he will also act as the third back-up goalie. Once the chemistry is there, look for Stoney on the Crush leader board.

Patrick "Chewbacca" Broadbridge - Chewy is currently listed as day-to-day (back), but make no mistake, he will be the Crush starting goalie. Expect PB to be a go in next Sunday nights game versus the Norseman.

Sleepers - there may be a few sleepers on the Crush blue line, as we saw in the season opener. The Crush defense are currently trying out some new pairings and that can only mean improvement. If you are interested in winning the fantasy cash, don't touch these guys unit the second round.

Next week the Crush host the Norsemen. Look for a dominating performance by the "Blue Riders of the Night". Good luck in the draft, this game should be a free-for-all.

Daily Pick of the Week: Pete Bondo - this Crush veteran of the point looks to grace the blue line with his presence Sunday afternoon. He generally starts the season with authority and is projected to rack up at least one goal and two assists. His penalty minutes alone make this d-man an easy choice.

CRUSH-4-LIFE

2008-09-06T21:19:00.001-07:00

The men in blue are gearing up for another season of Crush hockey. Sign up online between now and Sept. 16th. We should expect to see the same old motley crue with a few fresh faces. We all know that when the going gets fat the fat recruit new young talent!

FOR SALE: Hockey Team

2008-03-04T12:22:00.000-08:00

You are bidding on one gently used hockey team as of late. The team comes fully equipped with 15 skaters, uniforms, and two cases of beer per game. This team has all the essentials of a beer league hockey team.....the handsome captain, the skilled Canadian, the snap-artist, the drunk(s), the bald guy, the fat guy, the old guy, the guy with ridiculous pubes, the guy with huge balls, etc. This team currently lacks a goaltender.

Most of these guys have skated together or against each other for the past 5 years. This particular unit has a single season running tally of 20 wins, 3 losses, and 1 tie. With 233 goals for and a mere 96 goals against this team has been hard to beat both offensively and defensively. 21 of the goals against have come in the last three games. This group is currently on a 3 game losing streak.

With a little TLC this team could still be a playoff contender. This is a great group of players on and off the ice, very few complaints.

MUST SELL......CHEAP!!

"BAHA Classic.....In The Bag!"

2008-02-21T15:29:00.001-08:00

Not only is that ridiculous BAHA trophy in the bag but so were most of the skaters throughout the long weekend. The Big Crush Blackhawks were an epic collection of skaters from the Crush and Big Sky and team Drew. The weekend kicked off last Thursday night with a tie versus the Ponies. Yeah that's right, we tied. I could list a handful of excuses, but why? Let's toast to the tournament victors, "F@#k the Ponies!"......ah thank you. Just a little inside joke....apparently after we tied the Ponies, they were at the bar toasting to, "F@#k the Crush!" Well that glimmer of hope has since been extinguished. The Ponies celebrated a little to hard after the big TIE and pooped their breezers the rest of the weekend...Oops! While the Ponies were taking liberties on clueless coeds, the Crush were training the only way they know how....with the lights off. You heard me, the "glow puck" was indeed resurrected for yet another 4:30am showing. Zzzz.

Friday's game versus Helena was good one. Good in the fact that these eye's got to witness Crush history....WAIT, I almost forgot....Bart and Bondo both scored in game one.....and in game two??? Cody "Boom Boom" Bart never seizes to amaze. This enormous gift to BAHA has done it again. A little give and go from Crush designated driver, Levi, and it was off to the record books....Dipsy-Do, Triple Toe-Drag, Shoulder Fake, Leg Kick, Fist Pump, Five Hole......What happened, I blacked out for a minute there. Oh yeah, Bart scored a nasty goal and the ice was covered in ladies underwear and phone numbers...Sorry girls, this guys is married...Crush go on to win.

Saturday night the Blackhawks played the Budmen from Idaho. The score was 8-2. Nyquist was credited with a goal. In Edmunds' defense, it went off Bart's skate....

Sunday was a day of rest for some, church for others, and just another day with a bottomless beer cup for the Blackhawks. The championship game was scheduled for 4:30pm which gave the Mighty Black just enough time to stretch out (all afternoon). The Hawks faced off versus the cross state Missoula Express. The Express took to the pond like the deserved to be there. I guess their round robin record and some gorilla math says they did, but who's questioning? The score board told a different tale. A story summarized by a group of merry men in black sippin' champagne and later finishing a keg. BOO YAH! Big Crush Blakhawks do it again.

The trophy and fine Buffalo print were later seen at Old Chicago and possibly in someone's bedroom....Drew...care to comment?

Well back to the regular season and hating each other. Nice skating with Big Sky, and Drew. Hope to do it again sometime.

Thanks to Edmunds for filling in between the pipes for an injured PB. I haven't even seen some of those saves before, but I'm sure we will start seeing some of that mimicked by Bozeman youth. "Look at me, I'm Edmunds"....train-wreck pad stack with a cross body glove hand!

Thanks to the league commissioner and biggest goon on the Phatties for another great tournament. We will definitely be back next year.

Tournament MVP: Pete "Crusty the Clown" Bondo (voted by his peers)
Honorable Mention: Cody "Boom Boom" Bart (nominated and voted by himself)

Crush Prepare for Winterfest

2008-02-14T09:35:00.000-08:00

The Crush played the Super Cocks on Tuesday night and man was it a shellacking. I don't like to get down on these guys because apparently they have feelings and because they are usually pretty civil in the handshake. Speaking of the handshake, it was nice to see people actually remove their gloves this time...nice job.

The Crush are sad to announce the harsh break-up between the organization and Crush "wannabe" Drew Coubrough. We have spent weeks on this guy, wining and dining him, massaging his ego, etc. This didn't seem to do the trick. After the game Drew was recorded saying, "I had to make a decision, it isn't fair to my team. I have decided to re-sign with the Supercocks and continue to built this program". We are sad to see this marriage fizzle, but it is best for both parties. What we failed to tell Drew is that he was actually cut after the last "try-out" for throwing a chair on the fire....big no-no. Peanut Butter actually took Tuesday night off as he was still in mourning.

Tuesday night was a blow-out. The Crush scored seven unanswered goals in the first period. They coasted through the second with two, and finished the third adding another. Granted the Cocks were allowed one in the third, it was a dirty...dirty goal. Taking out Big Swenson was a dirty trick, but I have to applaud the attempt. I mean, if they would have gotten under Swenny's skin in the first it could have been a whole different game. The barrage of f-bombs that littered the rink in the third was uncalled for and we apologize. This sometimes happens when you challange the Crush....or skate trip them....Carl got his redemption shoulder checking his foe to the ice on the way back from a Crush goal....CLASSIC! What a gong show.

Beanzy, YOU SUCK!

BOX SCORE: 10-1

First Period:

1. Levi (Edmunds)
2. Levi (Eric, Bondo)
3. Wade (Bondo)
4. Julien (Wade, Bart) shorty
5. Edmunds (Eric) shorty
6. Julien (Wade)
7. Swenson (Wade)

Second Period:

8. Julien (Levi, Bart)
9. Julien (Darby, Levi)

Third Period:

10. Edmunds (Carl)
- Cocks

Next Game: Thursday night...Winter Klassic

Beerman: BEANZY!

"Crush Get No Respect"

2008-01-29T08:43:00.001-08:00

It was a frigid night in Bozeman as the Mighty Blue took to the pond for yet another meeting with rookie team; "The Filthy's". Team Orange tried their hardest early in the game, but to no avail. The Crush vets were observed sharing hits from the oxygen tank on the bench as they watched goaltender, Chewbaka, shut out the Filthy's in the first. Two lucky breaks found the opposing defense out of position and the Crush capitalized. The first was a stiff wrister from Edmunds and the second a baseball style tally from Levi. He actually tattooed the biscuit out of mid air as the puck seemed to hover over the crease. Plays like this is what takes Crush hockey to a whole 'nother level. The period ended with the Crush on top 2-0, but the Filthy's weren't done trying just yet. This reporter actually heard words of encouragement from the orange bench...this like, "C'mon guys, let's keep it up" and "I think we have a chance". I too would have been optimistic. With stand in tender and former graduate of the Crush development program, Nacho Gomez, who would be confident. I would like to take a second to give this meatball with goalie skates proper recognition. He has had quite the season versus the Crush. He tends to skate out against Ol' Blue and is often overlooked. At first glance one might think, what is this clown going to do, he can barley stand up....well that is exactly the look he is going for. Once the Titanic crosses the blue he turns into a toe drag factory....whoop....whoop.....GOAL. I usually take two games off from blogging after this type of selfish display, but let's call a spade a spade and get along with the season. Gomer can't beat the Crush single handed, as he has tried on multiple occasions. Now if there was a full bench of Gomez's....hmmm..scary. Stay tuned later when Gomez poops his pants and Bart scores...GLORIOUS. I have have actually seen goalies seek early retirement after being lit up by "Boom Boom". Can you imagine, 220lbs of gut with skates going top shelf? How embarrassing.

Aight, second period....Levi from Darby......Darby from Levi. "Thanks for the pass Darby". "You're welcome, thanks for the pass Levi". 4-0 Crush headed into the third.

Any beer leaguer knows that a four goal lead is nothing to bet the farm on. The Crush were nervous, and you could see it on the bench between periods. It looked like a shift change at the mill. Thank god for the three towering bins off brew waiting in the locker room... That, plus the glorious MVP stick and the not so glorious "Buffalo" trophy. Hairy T. was on a mission to pass the buff, so to speak, as he has flaunted this gigantor masterpiece for three consecutive games. Just a quick visual...the buffalo trophy is actually a large framed painting of a buffalo head. Edmunds expressed disgust to Bart early in the first, accusing selfish play and threatening the dreaded buffalo. In Bart's defense...He dropped a boomer on net during a power play while Edmunds was "allegedly" camped out back door. Bart commented later, "I saw him over there, but he definately wasn't back door. It appeared he was closer to the far hash marks". Water under the buffalo at this point. Bart has secured the hideous prize yet again. You are welcome, by the way, Levi. Mr. Toe-Drag McShuggy himself. Edmunds, Filty's, Levi, Bart, Filthy's....GAME OVER.

SORRY TONY FOR TAKING YOU OFF THE BEER LIST, BUT HOW DO YOU LIKE MY NEW STRATEGY OF TWO BEERMEN??? BRILLIANT...CHING!!!

BOX SCORE: 7-2

First Period:

1. Edmunds (Beanzy)
2. Levi (Bondo, Darby)

Second Period

3. Levi (Darby)
4. Darby (Levi)

Third Period

5. Edmunds (Bondo, Beanzy)
- Filthy's
6. Levi (unassisted)
7. Bart (Darby, Beanzy)
- Filthy's

GAME Most Valuable Player: PB
GAME Most Selfish Player: Bart

NEXT GAME: Friday Feb. 1 @ 6:30am versus the Dogs.
(RED)BEERMAN: Edmunds

"Ref Abuse"

2008-01-24T13:08:00.001-08:00

A recent email has been circulating titled "conduct". This stream originated from the league commissioner himself and has caused quite the discussion. I believe things last week got out of hand of the ice, and I don't think it was just the Crush game...

To set the record straight let's look at the Ponies game from last week. I was called in the first period for a hold. Pleading my case I yelled, "I didn't f@#king hold him". Well, the ref felt this was grounds for a 10 minute misconduct, at which point i shut my mouth....I mean it was still the first period. The second and more traumatic incident was later in the third period. Pete "Iron Fists" Bondo got into a little shoving match with some goon. The altercation was broken up by fellow skaters and the two men went to the box; each with a double minor for roughing. Obviously no punches were thrown, or this goon would still be looking for his teeth with his one good eye. While in the penalty box the two convicted skaters continued jawing. You know how that goes, one guy tries to plead his case while the other tells him to f-off. At this point the ref ejects both skaters from the rink. I am fine with all of this, but I think the ref should explain to the capt. what just happened. I think that three minor penalties gets you an early shower, but does not effect the next game. Ref abuse, on the other hand, (which is basically complimenting the call by telling the zebra he is a f@#king idiot) is grounds for an early shower plus a game....Watch out for this one boys!

Later in the week we played Big Sky. The Mad Hungarian tattooed some guy in the head with his stick. The guy didn't like it and the two were sent to the bin with coincidental's. A barrage of swear words got Big Sky a 10 minute misconduct. Fritzy came over to ask the time of day and he got ejected.....things were a little out of hand. Moral of the story...NO TAUNTING....and if you high stick soem guy tell him you didn't mean it.

I am all in favor of the refs we have night after night. There have been two guys at every Crush game this session, and that is a bonus. On behalf of the Crush organization we salute you. Maybe in another life we could have been friends, or even brothers.

Lastly, I would like to point out that the refs don't dictate to outcome of Crush games. I don't care if it was three periods of five on three and Chuck Norris was goaltending....We would still beat you twelve goals to one.

"Hand Shake"

2008-01-09T16:02:00.000-08:00

The other night the Crush hit the ice looking for a game from the former Rocky Mountain League Runner's Up, the "Super Cocks". More like the "Super standing around with their Cocks in their hands". What a joke of a showing, The Crush benched 7 guys and initiated a mandatory intermission beer break for their defensemen. One guy on the Cock bench leans to his buddies and says, "Do these guys seriously like winning like this?".....sniff....sniff. His "buddy" replies, "Do you seriously like f@#king losing like this?" Actually I am not mad at the Cocks style of play. They held it together and things didn't get too out of hand, I mean, except for the scoring. I forgot the stats, but it was around 12-1. I think we ruled against one of Edmund's goals due to multiple toe-drags. I believe it was ruled a "dirty" or "selfish" goal and was later recorded as a minus and a three minute minor penalty. Happy 40th birthday to Patrick Broadbridge. Sorry about the shut-out...Levi jinxed you....

As for the two pricks that didn't shake my hand on Monday night...Suck it! Take off your f'in glove and shake the hand of the men who go out on the ice night after night and teach you the game of hockey. I hope you aren't scared of germs, maybe next game you should wear a condom. Don't you know that the smell from Crush hockey gloves is a sexual aphrodisiac. The men in blue (aka the rider's of the night) drink 4-cases of beer post game and then go home to satisfy their women. One small swipe of glove juice under the nose will arouse even the most comatose ladies. BOO-YAH!

So next time pay us some respect or don't expect any on the ice.

ATTENTION: New blog readers, don't be such pussies and post a comment. I hear even the commissioner of the league reads this thing.....

BEER BOX SCORE: HALOT!

"Red Army Surrenders!"

2008-01-02T07:51:00.000-08:00

As Reported on by the back-up first aid kit carrier.

On Saturday, “power night” in Bozeman beer league there were four games; the main event, Crush vs. Red Army took place at 9:00. In a much anticipated event, the boys in blue looked toward their former Red Army foe, The Plum for advise, “Well, guys the men in red haven’t won many games this year.” “What” chirps stand in goalie Beanzy, “that can’t be.” “They kinda suck” responds the Plum. The professor, who once played for the men in Red, was traded to the Crush in August of ’06. A hundred point getter, in his rookie season this talent can really fly. What a deal considering he was traded for one used jock and two of Bart’s gay porn. (This author has no idea why Jason asked only for these two items)

The first period started off slow. The Red Army without a goalie for the first two minutes, team Crush practiced their passing skating circles around the dumbfounded Army. In net for both teams were back-up to the back-up goalies. For the Mighty Blue, Beanzy, in only his second appearance in net for the Crush, looked to boost his win loss to .500. Across the rink Pistol Pete, normally a sniper for the Big Sky Kasalies, protected the back of the net with pads straight from Jim Craig. The Plum started the scoring in the first with some fancy footwork and a crisp wrist shot. Wow, Pistol is in for one hell of a night. It took three more goals before the Army got to tally one. Wait, with a game like this, Julien, the Crush’s beer man was nowhere to be found. They just won’t last without the promise of frosty cold ones in the locker room. The Crush ended the first sulking, with a final goal from the dogs.

Before the start of the second the Crush summon for Grand Rapids stand out womens hockey player Michelle, to get beer. With a smile and a wink towards Crush vet Tony “T-Bone” she gladly obliges. Once back with two arms full of Pabst, the Crush had a little fuel put back in their tanks. Kenny shouts,” Beer is here.” The Mad Hungarian and Souch immediately take a change. Yep, that’s right, Souch. The man only a month ago had his Blue jersey stripped for not showing up. The second period ended with tallies from both “Wild thing” and “T-Bone”. Crush to the core, these two men have sacrificed year in and year out for the Crush. The second was finalized with “hottie in the box”, Tara, Michelle’s friend screaming,” I’m hot for men in blue!!” as the Crush come off the ice. The Plum instantly turned two shades of purple darker, “Was that towards me,” he speaks. “Nope”, says Kenny, “I just scored, that one was for me!”

The third saw a fury of crush goals. Cowboy Rick, Crush rookie gained the game MVP in this final period of play. Fantasy hockey was on everyone’s mind. Important since this is the first game of fantasy this season. Rick stepped up to the plate and delivered three key assists to help team Earl win the cash. Bondo responded, “Bull, this is rigged, MVP and the cash, Rick can’t do that.” The Plum in a respectable third place out of three quoted, “The Earl won my babies diaper money again!!” The Crush leave the ice satisfied, 14-4 isn’t a bad night. Cold Pabst and hot blondes filled the locker room post game.

BOX SCORE: 14-4

First Period :

Levi- Edmunds, Stanley
Edmunds- Unassisted
Levi- Edmunds, Bondo
Edmunds- Levi

Dogs

Second Period

Dogs

Kenny- Levi, Edmunds
Tony-Edmunds, Levi
Edmunds- Stanley
Levi- Unassisted
Edmunds- Souch

Dogs

Third Period

10. Stanley- Beanzy

Dogs

11. Stanley- Rick, Souch

12. Edmunds- Bondo, Levi

13. Souch- Rick, Stanley

14. Stanley- Rick

MVP---- Rick

Crush Clean Filthy Mess

2007-12-28T16:44:00.000-08:00

On Saturday, December 23rd, five hardcore members of the Crush took a break from their Christmas shopping to defend their undefeated streak at the Haynes Pavilion. Pulled up from the Crush farm system to fill in the seriously depleted roster was former UMD Bulldogs Captain, Ken Williams' brother-in-law, and Chris Edmunds father-in-law-to-be: "Newt" and his daughter Natalie Newton. The holiday classic drew not only the Minnesota-based Newton clan, but also the entire Polzin family from Duluth and the Darby family from far away Vermont. Wearing Chris Edmunds' high school jersey in the stands was his fiance Michelle, all the way from Dillon, MT. The stage was set. The vision was clear. The boys had to perform.

With Chris "the earl" Edmunds, Matt "Beanzy" Polzin, Levi "sugar plum fairy" Shugart, and Conor "au naturale" Darby on the ice, a serious offensive threat was imminent to the opponents, the so-called "Filthies"- a group of young, fiery gamers from the frozen netherland that is North Dakota. Little did they know that 60 minutes later, they would have been spun around and scored on 20 times. This was arguably the finest display of Crush chemistry yet this season, with tic-tac-toe plays speckeled with dazzling dekes and drizzly drop passes. It didn't matter that the Crush were shorthanded throughout most of the second period with the Father-Daughter goon squad getting whistled repeatedly for their dirty Minnesota tactics... the Crush maintained a steady offensive onslaught throughout.

A quick rundown of some of the exciting highlights of the night:

Edmunds' 95 mph slapper in warmups that missed our goalie- PB Broadbridge's head by a mere centimetre (fucking eh Chris, what was that all aboot?)

Darby dogging Big Richard- the 6'4" goalie from backwoods Maine- with a stuttered toe-drag behind the net, then boosting forward around the far post with a slam-dunk forehand wrap-around and a point to Mrs. Polzin in the bleachers.

Beanzy- in one of his classic, antagonized grinds- feverishly hunting down what might have been Crush tally #14 or #15- gets met at the hash-marks by Big Richard, picked up like a pee-wee, and body slammed on his back and shoulders like an aspiring pro-wrestler with a bleak future.

The Crush straight-face given to the whiny Filthies at their request for "4 on 4" due to their short bench and heavy breathing. These guys are obviously rookies in the BAHA men's league... pond hockey doesn't get played in the Haynes Pavilion, especially during the Christmas Classic.

Goal #20, coming at 19:37 of the 3rd period, by a Shugart-Darby cross-crease connection. A perfect combination of the far-post rush of the feared "Green Helmet" and a saavy little delayed pass from those crazy canuck hands. Not a wasted shift for the Men in Blue this night, as the Crush breached the 20 goal mark for the first time this season.

Game MVP: Chris Edmunds for adding to his four goals a dumbfounding three playmakers- 13 points total. (Beanzy, if you forget the MVP stick one more time you are getting the Swenson Brothers Golden Shower)

Notable Performances:
Shugart: 5 goals, 5 assists
Darby: 5 goals, 4 assists
Polzin: 6 goals, 3 assists
Newtons: 3 assists, 15 pim
Williams: 1 assist, numerous stare-downs

Next Game: Saturday, 12/29/07, 9 p.m. versus Dogs
Beerman: Julien

Crush Shut-Out Green Machine

2007-12-17T10:19:00.001-08:00

Sunday night proved to be another one for the books. Unsure if the beerman would come through, Crush Captain, Cody Bart, decided to tell three other skaters to bring beer (just in case). The good news that all three peopel showed up and brought beer. The bad news for Monday morning guy is that they toughed it out late night and drank it...head hurts....

Before we put on a drinking display post game we put on another display of sorts on the ice. Green machine poses a threat each meeting, but this season they can't see to penetrate the Crush defense. With another shut-out the Crush move to mid-season with a 13-0-1 record. Crush netminder, "Peanut Butter" Broadbridge reflects in the locker room after the game, "This was my second shut-out in nine years". "My last shut-out was probably eight years ago", Patrick recalls. This stunning result and PB's glorious play earned him the games most valuable player. This is Patrick's 4th MVP honor this season and the year is only half over. Look for this star player to rally for season MVP honors. We are regretful to inform on the status of the coveted MVP stick. This traveling trophy was not in attendance last night due to some nude photo session (Beanzy). We can only hope the stick is safe and not buried under a pillow covered in K-Y Jelly. Please god, NO!

While we are talking goalies let's touch on former Crush starter Josh Skinner. Any time the Crush take the ice against this guy you can guarantee some serious shots on goal. We usually start with a few high wristers to let Skinny know we are still thinking about him, but then it's straight for the five-hole. This hole continues to be wider than the last high school girl Skinner reamed out. This flappy gap is enticing, but the door will shut just as quick as it opened..... unless...you have magic skillz like "Au Naturale" himself bringin' the sweet stuff. I don't know if Darby has named this goal yet, but with his parents and girlfriend in the stands we expected something nasty.

Most of the Green Machine plays a respectable game, but some of these cake eating pricks can't seem to keep their mouth shut. I would like to take this opportunity to call out the two biggest girls on the ice last night. Do I dare??? Ah f@#k it, Robbie Deming and Snowflake....there I said it. These two are constantly running at the mouth and not giving the senior Crush members the respect they deserve. If this continues we will be forced to bend these two babies over the cross bar and spank there bare bottoms until they ask for their mommies. Girls, listen up, this is men's league hockey...welcome.

As the Crush head for the Christmas break we are scheduled for two consecutive Saturday games. We are short-handed boys so try make an appearance if you can. Levi will be in town and in charge...good luck.

BOX SCORE: 4-0

First Period:

1. Edmunds (Wade, Drew)
2. Darby (Beanzy, Wade)

Second Period:

SCORELESS

Third Period:

3. Levi (Rick, Drew) BOOM GOES THE DYNAMITE
4. Darby (Wade) PP

Game MVP: Patrick Broadbridge

Next Game: Saturday Dec. 22nd @ 3:00pm versus the Filthy's
Beerman: Ben Stanley

Crush Veterans Disappoint On Ice and In Locker Room

2007-12-07T10:01:00.000-08:00

In the event of extreme glutteny, the Assistant to the Assistant Capt. is required to pick up the slack where the Capt. fails to deliver. Enjoy this blog drafted by leading scorer Levi Shugart.....

.....Could this be the beginning of the end? Have the wheels fallen off the wagon? Will the Crush push the self destruct button? In an uncharacteristically shoddy performance, the Mighty Crush displayed signs of internal strife and bickering and were barely able to hold on for a tie. That’s right folks, our path to perfection came to a screeching halt thanks to a lack-luster performance from the not-so mighty crush.

Without the calming influence of Crush sophomore, Connor Darby, the team had a melt down of sorts and allowed the Hispanic Titanic to single-handedly beat them. Lacking the quite, lead-by-example, work ethic of this phenom the crush traveled down a treacherous path of half-ass effort and nearly game losing arrogance. I believe the Crush have gotten to the point of not respecting opponents talent and clearly that is a dangerous place to be. Lead by Chris Edmunds, the Crush were continually sucked into bad penalties and spent more effort bitching at the refs than they did at moving their fat asses around the rink. Edmunds, worried about his lead in PIMs, berated the refs until he was thrown out of not one game but two.

Thanks, to some stellar goal tending and an insane performance from a last minute addition, league-whore Pete Kamman (2 goals, 1 assist) the crush were able to stave off a well deserved defeat. Missed breakaways, posts, and missed open nets plagued the usually calm and confident scoring machine.

Amid this dismal excuse of rec-league hockey, there were a few highlights. Pete Kamman toe drags two guys and feeds Edmunds wide open for a back-door one-timer...... See you later water bottle!! Plum drives the zone wide and feeds Beanzy, driving to the net hard, for a short side one-timer....Didn’t see that comming!

Hopefully the Crush can put this humbling experience behind them and emerge a wiser, stronger, more unified winning machine. Because if they don’t, the contention on the bench will destroy them and this really is the beginning of the end.

Quote of the Night: “Are you just going to stand there, or are you going to come over here and warm me up” -Beanzy’s Roomate

Box Score: 4-4

First Period:

1. Pete Kamman (Edmunds, Wade-Nutz) - Breakaway

- Ponies (Gomez)

Second Period:

2. Edmunds (Pete Kamman, Bondo) - one-time

3. Pete Kamman (Levi)

- Ponies (Gomez)

Third Period:

4. Beanzy (Levi)

- Ponies (Gomez)

Game MVP: NONE

Next Game: Tuesday Dec. 11th @ 8:30pm versus Big Sky

Beerman: Wade-Nutz

"Crush Winning Streak Continues"

2007-11-27T08:17:00.001-08:00

The Crush continue to dominate the Rocky Mountain League. They have built a winning streak that started last February. The mighty blue have won a staggering 18 games in a row at home and 34 out of their last 37. This running tally started in Oct. of 2006 to present. Goals for and against is another fun fact...the Crush have outscored the opposition 339 to 87 since last season. "Are you sh@ttin' me bra!" I mean serioulsy, on average, these guys are outscoring their opponents 4:1. Although this season has brought some parody back to the rest of the league, the Crush remain on top of Mt. Beer-League and will remain the defending league champions for now. I would say that the Ponies, Big Sky, and the Green Machine have a chance...but do they have the determination? The Crush are a finely tuned machine of sorts, and when this crew gets to rollin' over the competition there ain't no stoppin'. If you are a passenger on this bus, it's best just to try hang on...

The Crush took to the ice last Sunday night versus the boys from the North. Their eye catching jerseys resembled that of the former North Stars, or "the Yellow Grass Wheatkings", said Crush points leader, Levi Shugart. Matt "Beanzy" Polzin had no comment after being knocked off the number one spot in the points race. He simply sipped his Hamm's in disgust when approached for comment. Not to be unmentioned, Conor "Au Naturale" Darby is lurking in the number three spot at a mere 6 points back. I would look for this player to not go down w/out a fight. Anywho, back to latest shellacking....This game started like any other, by that I mean that the Crush got into the post game beverages pregame. Other that that, is was unlike the Crush to allow the Norsemen the first goal. Easy now, not to worry, the boys in blue answered with 8 straight. Bart managed to make a couple opponents look good as usual, you know how is goes...a tape to tape pass to the other team, and that old move where you let someone slip it between your legs and you are left holding your wiener in the corner as he goes five-hole on the goalie..Oops! Get off me, it's the holiday season and I'm fat... Long story longer the Crush need something to bitch about in the locker room, so Bartzilla is happy to take a few jabs. That and Carl was in absence. No sweat, because we know who laughs last...I got the keyboard fuggers!

Oh and before I forget, I need to give props to thedynamic defensive effort of Pete "Iron-Fists" Bondo and Cody "Boom Boom" Bart...sorry Wade, you get honorable mention. These two defenders looked as if they have been skating together since they were in pampers. No look passes, excellent communication, and a bag of one-times sums up their style of play. The opposing goalie laughed as Boom Daddy Bart tee'd up number five from Bondo. With the exception of one "little guy" each blast was luckily placed low and on target. What's a guy gotta do to get a little traffic in front. Trade your jock in for a pelvic protector if that's what kind of sacrific e you have for the Crush. I want to see more heart on and off the ice...Here is the game plan for Friday morning, as Mark(the goalie) is sometiems a tough cookie to crack. When the Crush score I want to see a group celebration somewhere in the offensive zone. After that each player should head for the bench to greet the fist bump line before returning to the face-off. That outta really piss of the other team....

BOX SCORE: 8-2

First Period:

- Norsemen
1. Levi (Darby)

Second Period:

2. Darby (Drew)
3. Levi (Beanzy, Darby)
4. Levi (Bondo)
5. Levi (Beanzy)

Third Period:

6. Rick (Bondo) - BOOM
7. Levi (Beanzy)
8. Beanzy (Levi)
- Norsemen

GAME MVP: Conor Darby (Honorable mention: Levi....C'Mon natural hatty?)

Next Game: Friday Nov. 30th @ 6:30am versus the Super Cocks
Beerman: NONE, but seriously...someone...PLEASE!

"Crush Struggle with Big Sky"

2007-11-06T07:01:00.001-08:00

Most skaters feel that parody in the power league is good. It does makes for closer games and more exciting outcomes. I, on the other hand, prefer to watch teams self destruct while our forwards run up the score. Sadly, I feel like those days are behind us. Big Sky has always been a great team and we rarely have any altercations. This season is no exception, and with another addition to their already strong forward line-up the Crush would have to do everything in their power to keep from looking silly. My two biggest foes on the ice are speed and hands. With speed I am left tripping over my skates while the opposition advances towards the net for a 1-on-0. With hands I could be left anywhere from the blue line to the corner with my head firmly secured up my ass while play continues in front of our net. For these two reasons, I hate playing Big Sky. Good thing I'm not out there alone.....

Patrick "Chewy" Broadbridge continues to gain our trust with save after save. He has saved the game on more than one occasion and has managed to fill some pretty big shoes. It was no surprise in the locker room to see Patrick receive his second MVP honor this season. If this keeps up Broadbridge and Levi might as well leave the MVP stick at home and take turns dawning the trophy over their respective mantels.

Goaltending wasn't the only thing adding to yet another Crush victory. We still have to score more goals than the opposition. Big Sky may have some new guy with hot hands from Duluth, but the pride of Lake Superior still wears Crush blue. That's right, Beanzy is back on the score sheet and battling for a number one spot on the Crush points leader board. Polzin has something to prove this season after finishing last year with a fifth place finish under teammates Shugart, Edmunds, Darby, and Swenson. I would look for this guy to continue to excel this season and probably top the league in points. That's right I said points, not scoring, because this selfless individual enjoys a great assist over a goal any day of the week. So what if he has only had two hattricks this season and Levi has three....big deal, right Levi?

Long game recap short, Crush lead 3-2 in the first, 5-4 in the second, and hold off Big Sky in a scoreless third period. At this point in the blog I have to give props to Crush founding father, Kenny "Wildthing" Williams. He has continued to support the organization and night after night gives 100% on every shift. Maybe it was right place at the right time, or great position, but either way Kenny was awarded with this nights game winner. Sure he hurried out of the locker room after the game and refused comment, but for good reason. Unlike most players, Williams has a little something special waiting at home when he scores a goal. Keep up the good work Wildthing!

On a good night or bad, the Crush do what it takes to win. We have a winning attitude on and off the ice and it shows on the bench. We have mastered the win, whether it be a blowout, a last second nail biter, a come from behind victory , or holding on to a one goal lead it doesn't matter. I am not saying we are unbeatable, I am just wondering how we will react to a loss???

We have seen most of the teams in the league and face our final test this Thursday night when we take on the Green Machine lead by former Crush tender Josh Skinner. I know we have told Skinny that we respect his decision and that he needn't worry about head shots, but let's get serious. You can expect to see some high shots, as the Crush are very familiar with the style of "Dongus Longus". Top cheese, as we call it, is the main course Thursday night, and the Crush are hungry. Surprise Gang Bang! With PB out of town, the pipes will be filled with former Crush rookie of the year from the '04-'05 season, Chris Gomez. The "Hispanic Titanic" has signed on with the Crush as a back-up tender, but we all know that he is starter material. See you all Thursday night, it should be a good one.

BOX SCORE: 3-2

First Period:

- Big Sky
1. Beanzy (Darby)
2. Edmunds (Bondo)
3. Beanzy (Julien)
- Big Sky

Second Period:

4. Rick (Beanz) PP Boomer
5. Williams (Wade, Beanz)
- Big Sky
- Big Sky

Third Period:

- Scoreless

Game MVP: Patrick Broadbridge

Next Game: Thursday Nov. 8th @ 8:30pm versus Green Machine
Beerman: Carl Swenson (last game two (18) packs weren't enough)

"Time Freezes, The Ponies Freeze, Celebration Begins"

2007-11-05T07:53:00.000-08:00

You would think in this college town that the coeds would be at the library prepping for tomorrow’s exams…but the word got out that a young, fast skating team was going to challenge the Mighty Crush…sooooo…the text books were tossed aside, ear muffs were donned and the arena was jammin’ by 10:00 on this Thursday night!

But when the Crush veterans stepped on the ice, the noisy din immediately stopped....only an occasional, quiet whimper escaped from the enamored females in the stands….they were obviously awestruck by the moment, the talent on the ice…the Crush were poised, ready for the big game. More importantly, the girls were restless for the epic celebration that certainly awaited them in the locker room if the Crush held off the challenge and retained their first place birth on top of the toughest hockey league in the region.

Little did the Crush know that the refs had been briefed about the infamous return of Bondo after a month long suspension for fighting. From the first moment the puck was dropped on the ice, the men in the striped suits were dead set on controlling the game. In the first 2 minutes of play, three Crush were in the sin bin and they would go on to spend 9 of the first 10 minutes 5 on 3. Just as the penalty clock counted down to give us some relief, Levi from the bench politely informed the ref that the calls needed to go both ways. He found himself locked up, across the ice, 3 minute penalty, and more 5 on 3. With the Crush 2 men short for the fourth time in 11 minutes and Patrick gasping for air, the puck would finally tumble into the net …Ponies up by 1 at 11:53 into the first period. The clamor in the stands subsided as the Crush dug in for a long come back.

Meanwhile on the bench, down by one, there was speculation that just before the game, Westergard, Captain for the Ponies, had bribed the refs with free barbecue ribs from Famous Dave’s…..even Martel, the most even tempered man on the Crush roster, whined that Watergate Westergard had plied them with corn bread and honey from his favorite restaurant. It must have been something tasty because the calls against the Crush would not stop! Our saint Ben Stanley would see 3-3’s, Edmunds would see a major and minor for 9, Levi would tally 6 minutes (his season total from last year) and Wade would pickup 3 for who knows what, maybe ‘cause his teammate was Bondo? But even in the face of this endless wrath from the refs, the Crush stayed cool. The temptation to retaliate that had been boiling over was quieted when Rick McCallister preached from the bench…” if we don’t control the game, the young guns from the other team will walk off with our girls!”

The Crush answered the challenge with a Wade to Edmunds pass, then a finish from the big guy Carl Swenson that left Goalie Gomez rubbing his eyes! The Ponies would answer in the second….Up by one, the Ponies developed an air of optimism rarely seen in Crush opponents. But our goalie Patrick was confident that with his glove hotter than heat shields on the shuttle during re-entry and the stellar defense of little Swenson and Eric followed by Wade and Bondo, there were no more black biscuits going to find home behind him. The Crush would only need to drive the baby home themselves! In the third, Darby would tie it up with a feed from Edmunds. The puck handling by those two led the fans to levels of excitement that normally doesn’t see the light of day! But with time running down, could the Crush pull it off? Would Williams missing the tip in from Little Swenson’s rocket shot from the blue line leave the game in a tie? Would our traveling Captain come back to mediocrity? Would the greatest game on earth end in a tie?

It goes like this….. With 10 seconds left, and the Ponies desperately trying to clear the puck, Wade picks it up on the boards at the blue line, rolls around the defender like a cat with the mouse, and with only 5 seconds left, with the fans on their feet, he feeds the puck to Levi in front of the net. Time freezes, the Ponies freeze, Gomez covers the net…then somehow, miraculously, with 2 seconds on the clock, Levi from his backhand, picks up the puck and dances it over the right shoulder of Gomez and into the top corner of the net…. Mighty Crush 3, Ponies 2. The celebration begins!!!!!!!!!!!!

Fighting off the fans, the Crush head for the Kokanee in the locker room. With girls clutching at his jersey, Levi sets the stage when the ESPN reporter thrusts the microphone at him and demands “How does it feel?” with a broad grin on his face, he answers “I did it for the team! And I wouldn’t be here tonite, at this magical moment in history, without the support of my pretty wife! And I hope my 2 daughters and my new son grow up to enjoy the thrill of professional sports like I have…I know this team will continue to be an enchanted franchise that raises the expectations of youth in America! ”

But back at the locker room, behind closed doors, the beer drinking begins. Unlacing their skates, the Real Crush begin to emerge. Edmunds shows off his new form from the Great Harvest Bakery as he reaches for a lager. Martel answers with the same. Darby scratches his butt, Stanley farts and the Crush drift back to earth. Then suddenly, the girls and the announcer break into the locker room and demand, “Who is the game’s MVP?” While the whole world looks on, the Crush hide their beer cans and Beanzie gives accolades to the stellar play of Wade and Patrick, but with the game winner at 2 seconds remaining, the coveted award goes to Levi Shugart!!! The crowd goes wild! And Carl Swenson donns his black, star studded snap on pants and heads out with 3 girls on his arm. Until next time!

Ken Williams, President

Blue Crush Hockey

"Crush Withstand Verbal Abuse from Super Cocks"

2007-10-29T08:15:00.000-07:00

The Crush burned the midnight oil last Thursday skating in the late game versus the Whiny Baby, should've stayed home and sucked on mommies titties, Super Cock Suckers. This group of middle aged misfits seems to have a chip on their shoulder and probably for good reason. Could it be that they have never beaten the Crush since their expansion birth last season? I have three words for them...."Deal With It". Like the rest of the league, just expect to be dominated by the Crush in one way or another. I hate to sound like a cocky prick, but when you challenge the Crush's sexuality you are asking for a tongue lashing......

The Crush were led by three second year veterans on Thursday night. We had the naturally talented "Golden Boy", Levi Shugart, accompanied by the pride of Duluth, Matt Polzin, and lastly the marathon man, Wade Juntenen. Wade-Nutz and Beanzy hooked up for at least three tallies. We were missing Crush regular Conor Darby, but still managed to defeat the Cocks utilizing three defensemen. Little Swenson has proved to be a great addition to the Crush blue line, especially with the unexpected loss of founding Crush father, Tom Soucek. The good news it that Pete "Iron Fists" Bondo will be back in the line-up next game. And as a token of the Crush appreciation Pete has been elected beerman for his first game back. Congrats Bondo.

Last but not least, here is the latest from the Crush locker room postgame. We continue to speed thru the first case of beer. A spare sixer is becoming a necessity, so just a heads up. If you aren't beerman and you feel like bringing a little extra....we won't look down on you. The hot topic after the game was one particular Cock who's name we will withhold for no good reason. There was one altercation on the ice in which a Cock player slashed his stick at our goalie's glove which covered the puck. The player proceed to fall down and pee pee a little. When he rose he was greeted by two Crush defensemen who kindly told the douschebag not to touch our goalie. The refs took it from there and administered two minor penalties. As the verbal beatings continued one dildo calls out the Crush as being "a bunch of fags". Funny story, but this same guy in the hand shake after the game refuses to take his glove off to shake hands. Instead, he offers a fist bump with glove on.....You do the math.......What a clown.........

Box Score: 8-3

First Period:

1. Swenson (Bart)
2. Levi (Swenson)
3. Wade (Beanzy)

Second Period:

- Cocks
4. Beanzy (Wade)
- Cocks

Third Period:

5. Beanzy (Wade) PP
6. Beanzy
- Cocks
7. Levi
8. Levi (Wade, Edmunds)

Game MVP: Beanzy

Next Game: Thursday Nov. 1st at 10pm versus the PONIES
Beerman: Pete Bondo

"Crush Initiate Peolpe From the North"

2007-10-23T09:04:00.000-07:00

Last Friday brought the first "early" game on the '07 winter schedule. With the addition of new teams and an increasing need for ice times the men's league was forced to incorporate Friday morning games. Each team will play roughly one early game per month. Many feared that the Mighty Blue would have a short bench for such an occasion, but to our surprise is was the opposite. I accredit this turnout to the always competitive scoring title. If any player misses even one game they could be pushed further and further away from the glory.

This was the first time the Crush had seen the expansion team that calls themselves the Norseman. This team is a collection of young college students with a lot of energy and pent up sexual frustration. It could have been anyones game judging by the lack luster first period, but in the end it was the Crush who were taking these collegiate athletes to school. A one goal margin heading into the second was soon padded by a seven goal scoring spree which led the Crush into the third. Of course it was the 2006 rookie sensation, Levi Shugart, who led the Crush scoring four goals in the second period. He may have been able to light this fire in the first period, but rumor has it that he was still doing his wife's paper route??? I thought he was there for the priorities speech at the beginning of the season, but this blogger may have been mistaken.

The third period was a see-saw battle with the Crush Outscoring the Norseman 4-3 to end the game with a 11-3 margin.

On another note, it was the Norseman, not the Crush, who packed the stands with fans this morning. There was a mixture parents, friends, and girlfriends in attendance. I have to applaud the dedication, but after watching that game, like many , those faithfuls are probably online looking for authentic Crush replica jerseys. I can only speculate that the normal Crush fans were still in bed after drinking heavily into the wee hours of the morning. We will let it slide...this time...

BOX SCORE: 11-3

First Period:

1. Edmunds (Swenson, Levi)

Second Period:

2. Levi (Darby)
3. Darby (Swenson)
4. Levi (Bart)
5. Levi (Stanley)
6. Levi (Edmunds)
7. Stanley (Darby)

Third Period:

8. Darby (Swenson)
9. Swenson (Williams)
- Norseman
10. Bart (Swenson)
- Norseman
- Norseman
11. Darby (Stanley)

Next Game: Thursday Oct. 25 @ 10:30pm after Dogs Game versus the Super Cocks.
Beerman: Tom Soucek

Crush Pad Stats Versus "Old Dogs"

2007-10-16T09:21:00.000-07:00

The Crush took the ice Sunday night versus the old saggy ballz of the Dog Pack. Rumors continue to circulate of how the Dogs actually got into the league this season. Legitimate sources have informed this blogger that league commissioner, Rob Pertzborn, is not above accepting bribes and/or sexual favors. I have no comment on this matter, I mean who isn't down for some sexual favors???

Back to the lecture at hand.... The modest attitude of the Crush doesn't generally allow any beeping of their own horn....but BEEP BEEP. After This 15-2 shellacking of the former "Red Army" what else is there to say. This league continues to be a slap shot league. I am a fan of the "Boom Time" just as much as the next guy, but let's get a few things straight. If you are dropping bombs from the point and they are traveling over the net with traffic out front.....please resort to the wrist shot. If your own team isn't all over your shit you should at least use your head. Have I shot a boomer high and wide?..YES, but I do make a conscious effort to keep shots low and on net?..MAYBE. If you have a clear lane at the net..BOOM AWAY. With that being said, it is still a slap shot league. If I am coming down on you one on one and I wind up for the big one, you have the option of taking one for the team or getting the f@#k out of the way. The ONLY person I will ever take pitty on is Stan Ringer and for good reason. So, Karl Neuman, hit the corner or get some better shin pads...

What else can I say about Sunday night? Six goals in the first, Five in the second, Four in the third. Ship Captain Crew, we win! Drink Motha F@#ka!

The Crush continue to battle with skating skillz, but that will hopefully fade with each game and/or victory. Speaking of fading, how about Edmunds once slim abdominals! A guy who used ot throw the "Tons-O-Fun" nickname around at will better throw down the fork...Oink Oink.... Rumor has it that fellow line mate, Levi Shugart, has challenged Edmunds to a "Glutten Bowl" of sorts to help a brother shed those excess pounds. Good luck boys.....

Last, but not least, the Crush have over time raised the beerman duties from a standard 18-pack to a full case of beer. Last week we graciously went through a case and a half. Were there still good times to be had? Did the "Dog Pack" beat us in the post game festivities? That's right boys, time to man up. A single beerman may need to be upgraded to beerMEN. Give it some thought, but in the meantime always keep an emergency 12-pack in the car......PLEASE?

BOX SCORE: 15-2

First Period:

1. Levi (Edmunds)
2. Darby (unassisted)
3. Beanzy (Edmunds, Bart)
4. Darby (Edmunds)
5. Levi (Beanzy)
6. Swenson (Beanzy, Bart)

Second Peroid:

7. Swenson (Levi)
8. Rick (Wade)
9. Levi (Darby)
10 Darby (Edmunds)
- Dogs
11. Beanzy (unassisted)

Third Period:

- Dogs
12. Edmunds (Levi)
13. Williams (Swenson) - goal was disallowed, but we know it was in!
13. Swenson (Darby)
14. Beanzy (Levi)
15. Darby (Rick, Skinner)

Next Game: Friday Oct. 19 @ 6:30am versus the Norseman.

Beerman: NONE

"Martel/Broadbridge Carry Crush in Season Opener"

2007-10-08T12:17:00.001-07:00

That's right Crush fans and blog slutz alike, a new season of Blue Crush hockey is upon us. Last night kicked off the season with the 06-07 Championship Game rematch. The Super Cocks surprised many last season, with a championship birth....but like I have said in the past, did it matter who we played?

The Crush have put together a similar roster this season and will continue to pose a serious offensive threat. With the loss of former Crush Goaltender, Josh Skinner, the boys on the point will have to step it up and actually play defense this session. This isn't meant as disrespect to new/old Crush Netminder, Patrick Broadbridge. After last season, Broadbridge entered the market as a free agent. Pained with back injury, Fairy Dawg entertained the notion of retirement. "The loss of Skinner was a blessing in disguise," says Broadbridge. "When I heard the news I hung up my forward gear and blew the dust off the blocker and glove," he continues. Personally I don't see the relief playing one position over the other, especially when he's droppin' 10-15 pad stacks per night. WOW, keep up the good work!

Patrick wasn't the only Crush "old timer" who came to play Sunday night. Tony Martel, Crush Co-Founder and olympic bare-nuckle champion, came to the rink with something to prove. Tony buried his annual goal early in the third period which eventually became the game winner. Season after season Tony continues to be a driving force in front of the net and a very threatening presence for any opposing goaltender. As the defeated Cocks limply left the rink Tony was hoisted on the shoulders of Ken Williams and skated around the rink with his head held high.

BOX SCORE: 4-2

1st Period:

1. Beanzy (Levi)

2nd Period:

2. Darby (Beanzy)
- Cocks

3rd Period:

3. Martel (Edmunds)
4. Levi (Julien, C. Swenson)
- Cocks

Game MVP: Patrick Broadbridge

Next Game: Sunday 14 Oct. 07 @ 9:00 PM versus the Dog Pack.
Beerman: Eric Swenson

Is Bondo's Suspension Justified?

2007-10-01T14:39:00.000-07:00

Another season of Crush hockey is on tap for October and already there is controversy. As you may remember last season there was a miscommunication between Bondo and the Sweed late in the championship game. This altercation resulted in fisticuffs.

Those of us in attendance know for a fact that the lousy Jesper started the fight swinging his stick and flappin his gums. He took out his frustrations on multiple Crush skaters, including Wade-Nutz. Post game he told me that he had wished it was me on the ice.

Personally I am glad Bondo defended his honor and the honor of the Crush organization. Did Jesper do this deliberately? Did he know that he would not be in Bozeman this season and thus suffer no consequences? This sports writer believes the motives were premeditated.

Now Bondo is serving a reduced sentence for the month of October during the upcoming 07-08 season. The rules stated that any player thrown out for fighting would serve a 10 game suspension or sit out for a month, whichever was longer.

I need some feedback on this topic boys. What are your thoughts?

2007-2008 Season News

2007-08-29T08:50:00.000-07:00

The men's league season is upon us. as you may have heard by now, Josh "Long Dong" Skinner has asked to be let go. The Crush organization respects Skinner's decision and plans on resurrecting old school Crush goaltender, Patrick "The Wall" Broadbridge. PB plans on spending the next couple of months bulking up to fill the position.

I may have a few spots open on the roster, so get your applications filled out. I emailed everyone the dates and information. Don't forget to register with USA Hockey online first. The cost is $33. The season cost is $340 for (34) games plus playoffs. This also gets you into some pretty elite locker room events. The Crush host "dick tricks" and "beer olympics" twice a week. And don't forget the annual "glow puck" and "Beanzy 40 Hands". Sorry Skinner.....Crush ONLY!

Feel free to email me or give me a call with any questions.

Who Do We Play? (Does it Really Matter?)

2007-03-27T08:04:00.000-07:00

The Crush will take the ice Wednesday night versus the dreaded.....who cares. No one is more feared in this league than the Fighting Crush. The only way to beat them is if, in deed, they beat themselves. Statistics show that the Crush are at their best Wednesday nights at 8:30pm. It seems to give the boys in blue a couple days to recover from whatever binge drinking they may have encountered over the weekend.

This reporter is speculating that Big Sky made it to the final round. If so, they will come at the Crush with something to prove and nothing to lose, except the championship game....The Crush recently beat Big Sky to advance to the big game, but in a double elimination set-up, any loser can work their way back up to another shot at the title. The game was a mere 3-2 with a couple minutes to play. The Crush called a strategic time-out to ensure their top line was rested. This gave the opposition a chance to pull their goalie......big mistake. Final score 4-2 Crush.

This season has been a roller coaster ride to say the least. The new Crush have managed to over come ego's and diverse personalities to build the dominant force they are today. Week after week the Crush manage to work with what they are given for skaters and still produce results. We are planning on a good turn-out for the championship game. Bring a cooler of beer out and support your favorite team.

Championship Game: Wed. 28 Mar. 2007 @ 8:30pm
Beermen: Soucek & Broadbridge (Or Free Kegs!)

Crush Play-Offs Continue

2007-03-13T08:21:00.000-07:00

As you all know, the Crush have continued to dominate the league and play-offs is no exception. The hockey weekend started off Saturday night with a Crush victory over the Ponies. The Ponies strickened by injury and Spring Break showed up to play with three skaters and a goalie. Showing no mercy the Crush set a men's league record scoring 28 goals. Both Shugart and Edmunds tied for a season high 15 points a piece. Crush vet. Cody "Boom Boom" Bart managed a hat trick from the point. Swenson piled on 12 points, while Broadbridge and Darby added 8 a piece. Some may thing this is unsportsmanlike, but the Crush feel like they have payed good money to play and if another team isn't going to show up and bring the 'A' game they will simply try score 30 goals.

The Crush locker room proved to hit an all time low as players taped beers to their hands before undressing. 40oz beers weren't present, but the Crush made due. Late night festivities continued through the wee hours of the morning.

Sunday night was Round One of the Power League play-offs. The Crush faced rival Super Cocks, who have fed the mighty Blue their only loss this season. The Fighting Crush managed a 4-0 lead in the first and never looked back. Cracking Cock goalie, Mark, has proved to be difficult this season, but Sunday night was an exception. "He was good up high, but on the ice he couldn't stop us" recalls Crush Rookie of the Year Finalist, Levi Shugart. "I bent him over my knee and spanked his bare bottom," boasted Levi after the game.

Post game festivities added two more firsts for the Crush locker room. Cody Bart was honored with the games MVP by former stick holder Beanzy. In true Crush fashion Beanzy was penalized for missing two games. A 24oz Pabst and a 24oz Steele Reserve were securely taped to his hands and he wasn't allowed to shower until the beers were drank. After proceeding to get wasted Beanzy, free of beer, did a bare ass slide across the ice during the intermission of the late game. The crowd went wild.

Next Game: Tonight versus Ponies @ 9:00pm

BeerMan: Wade-Nutz (someone call him!)

Crush Puke-N-Rally

2007-03-05T07:33:00.000-08:00

The Sunday night games seem to be the hardest. I don't know if it is the long weekends of drinking and playing, or the fact that the Crush continually have a short bench, but Sunday's are meant for rest. Last night was no exception. With excuses ranging from hangovers to damaged buttholes the Crush did their best to stay out of trouble versus the playoff bound Super Cocks.

The first period was typical Crush, low scoring and fairly slow paced. The men in blue tend to lul their opponents to sleep in the first setting them up for the second and third. Shugart scored first, probably using some of his dipsy-do hockey magic. This reporter can't, as he was blinded by the light reflecting from the Super Cock cheerleaders....Mmmmm. All I have to say about that is you guys better keep them on a leash, because it wouldn't be the first time that a cheer squad had a "change of heart" after watch the Fighting Crush. Everyone knows that the Crush are hot on the ice, but where they really excel is in the locker room!

The second period is generally characterised as Crush domination. Last night, however, the second was filled with Crush members sprinting to the restroom. Two to vomit, and one to drop a deuce. This allowed the Cocks to bury one and tie the score. The Crush, newly revived, scored two more goals to close out the period with a 3-1 lead.

The third period is generally the time where the opposing goalie gives up and the rest of the team soon follows suit. Last night, this was not the case at all. The Fighting Crush did everything in their power just to squeak out a victory. Whether it be raking some dudes back to stop a break away, or simply back checking the Crush rose to the challenge. Shugart's open netter was the nail in the coffin as the time ran out for the Cocks. The Crush will see these boys in the first round of a double elimination playoff. Something tells me this won't be the last meeting.

BOX SCORE: 5-3

1st Period:

1. Levi (unassisted)

2nd period:

- Cocks

2. Edmunds (Pete)

3. Swenson (Edmunds, Levi)

3rd Period:

4. Edmunds (Harry)

- Cocks

5. Levi (Edmunds) - open net

GAME MVP: Not awarded due to lack of MVP stick (Thanks Beanzy)

Next Game: Saturday March 10th at 8:00pm versus the Ponies.

Beerman: Carl Swenson

The Cup is HOME!

2007-02-22T14:51:00.000-08:00

That's right, The Fighting Crush have prevailed once again. A pipe dream, as it seemed, after Friday night's loss, but let's start at the beginning and see if we can't piece this weekend together. The gang minus two Bart's motored out of Bozeman last Thursday night with high spirits and an increasing BAC. Moral was falling by Miles City and at an all time low by Dickinson. Players skated across ice covered roads in their vehicles, some even attempted the double axle. We all arrived in Grand Forks safely Friday morning, most of us tired, some hungover, and a few ready to party.

We had our first glimpse of the Ralph on Friday afternoon around 4pm where we were allowed to drive the gear downstairs in the Zamboni area to unload. Then it was off to the bar, back to the Ralph to watch Sioux hockey, and then the big game......Long story short, The Crush were relieved of the duties as men, as they watched North Dakota (Pita Pit) skate up and down the ice passing, shooting, and scoring. Kind of sucked to watch and hangover number two on the day was starting to be unbearable. Crush drop a heart breaker 10-5.

Depressed, most skaters went to bed. Thank god for that, because some recruits decided to party all night long! Animal.....animal.......I mean, the hairy chested men of the Mighty Blue came to play Saturday morning. This game was all Skinner, and all Crush. We were able to show North Dakota that we don't always wear women's underwear and use pink hockey tape. Needless to say they were impressed aka pissed off. Crush win 8-3 evening up the series one game to one. I would like to take this opportunity to give a shout out to the Bart Bros. who hooked up for three goals Saturday morning.

Saturday afternoon was filled with Red Pepper dreams and a little nap.Game three was Saturday afternoon and it was a battle. Skinner was on fire again stopping shots with back to back pad stacks, as well as, stoning Beads with the paddle of his stick. It was glorious. Final score Crush 4 - NoDak - 1. We had an open netter and it wasn't from Levi's boomer (WIDE).

Fast forwarding......drank beer out of the cup.........drank beer at the Ralph..........drank more beer out of the cup........poured beer out of cup on some NoDak hooker's head..........took the Cup to the Bun Lounge.........took naked pictures with the cup..........brought the cup home to Montana.

Each Crush member will be allowed to spend a week with the cup and do with what they please. The only request is that they document their fun times with photos and a blog at the end of the week.

MoDak All Tournament Team:

Josh Skinner (MT), Matt Polzin (MT), Conor Darby(MT), Cory Spree(ND), Brent Wedin(ND)

Tournament MVP:

Josh Skinner

Thanks for the fun boys, and we are invited back next year!

MoDak Preparation Continues......

2007-02-14T08:14:00.000-08:00

The Crush have been keeping their rigorous training program under lock and key, until now. Credible sources, bribed with beer, have leaked some of the secrets to success. The countdown to MoDak started last Saturday night, and with it came the most intense leg of the training journey. The Crush showed up in full force to play the ponies, but the ponies were "short-handed". This type of thing is happening more and more to the Crush each week. These teams are sick of being publicly humiliated. Most skaters would rather stay at home with their wives, girlfriends, moms, etc. and save what little dignity they have left. Can you blame them? Long story longer, the Crush were "happy" to give the Ponies a few skaters and make a game out of it. The real game started late night, after the lights went out.....

A few dedicated Crush skaters pulled out an ancient training tactic to improve on communication and vision. This method is most currently known as "glow puck". In brief the scheme of glow puck is defined as: the art of drinking and playing competitive hockey in the dark. It was glorious to say the least, it looked like an episode of star wars out there. " As your eyes adjust to the darkness, you are still screwed", reported one skater. The trick was to develop a means of communication between teammates and then shoot where you think the net is. Simple.

Phase two of the training regiment was conducted last night. The Crush scrimmaged the MSU Hellcats. The Hellcats came out with three aspects the Crush haven't witnessed this season.....depth, speed, and puck control. The Crush had to rely on goalie, Josh Skinner, to keep them afloat in the first. Skinner has been shitting his crease lately, but last night proved why Skinner continues to be one of the best in the business. The Crush were down one in the first, but came back to tie it up with a goal from Crush rookie, Levi Shugart. After the door was opened, the Crush never looked back. Shugart would find the twine three more times to lead the Crush in scoring, fantasy points, and game MVP's. Edmunds and Trottier also scored to aid in the 6-2 victory. The game was classy and a great match up to say the least. The Crush front office was worried about potential injuries, and refused a full contact event. After seeing the sportsmanship shown by the Hellcats, the Crush plan to accept a full check match up in the future. There were a couple late game incidents, but the refs had everything under control. The post game was that of a normal Crush outing except with more beer. "Better safe than sorry" Bart told Skinner pregame, when asked whether a beer man had been assigned. The Crush would like to thank the Hellcats for the opportunity to share the ice and look forward to any future match-ups.

Phase three: The Final Stage, will be put into play tonight as the Crush square off against cross valley rival Big Sky. "We hope to put what we've learned on and off the ice into action tonight", says Crush vet. Cody Bart. With an 18-2-1 record the Crush have only one thing left to prove. A victory in the MoDak Cup would be the crowning achievement in this Crush season. The boys from Montana are ready.....hopefully the North Dakota boys aren't taking this event too lightly. All questions will be answered Friday night....

Back-To-Back Hat-Tricks? Is Edmunds Human?

2007-01-29T19:58:00.000-08:00

That is in deed what the Ravens captain and president of "Mustache For Life", a local non-profit organization, asked the officials on Saturday night. They assured him that Edmunds passed the random drug screening for performance enhancing drugs. "It's a good thing they weren't testing for Busch Light", says Crush veteran, Carl Swenson. The Ravens were short handed minutes before the game started, but managed to put together one full line. The Crush sold rookie, Harry P. Ness for a couple extra water bottles. Bart was wasted and thought they might help him sober up....he was wrong.

The first period was slow, or at least from what I remember. The only good thing about it is that Bondo, Swenson, and Haines got to see the ice wearing Crush blue for the first time in weeks. These talented vets looked a little rusty, but hope to be in championship form come February.

Let's just fast forward to the good parts. Chris Edmunds, Crush dinosaur and advocate for "Mullet Pride" came to skate Saturday night. He found the back of the net late in the first, but that is only because Bart said he could...late in the second he took matters into his own hands. With everyone on the ice "allegidly" covered Edmunds scored three goals in a row to finish the second period with a natural hatty. A quick drink of "water" and he was back after it. Taking advantage of the Raven's weakness, playing hockey, Chris tallied three more to start the third. This back-to-back natural hat-trick doesn't even have a name yet. In Edmunds honor we will let him name it.....You would think he would close out the game passing the puck??? Nah, how about one more for the highschool girls!!! Nice work Edmunds.....nice work.

The truth of the matter is that someone reminded Chris where he was in the points race compared to an absent, Levi Shugart. He was 15 points back and is now a mere 6 points out of first. WOW!

Quick shout out to Pete Bondo, who apparently didn't get enough ice time and was very upset about it. Bondo, we love you.....it won't happen again....

BOX SCORE: 14-0

First Period:

1. Stanley (Wade)
2. Wade (Soucek)
3. Swenson (Stanley, Edmunds)
4. Edmunds (Bart)

Second Period:

5. Swenson (unassisted)
6. Stanley (Swenson, Haines)
7. Edmunds (Haines)
8. Edmunds (Wade)
9. Edmunds (unassisted)

Third Period:

10. Edmunds (Wade)
11. Edmunds (Stanley)
12. Edmunds (unassisted)
13. Swenson (Haines)
14. Edmunds (Stanley)

GAME MVP: Edmunds???

Next Game: Thursday at 9:00pm versus Gang Bang

Beerman: Wade-Nutz

Shugart Embarrasses Big Sky........Again

2007-01-24T07:42:00.000-08:00

Just when you think a team in the so called "Power League" will challenge the Crush, the result is contradictory. Big Sky took the hard water with a full bench and a seemingly talented roster. They were able to keep things close in the first....well the first couple minutes...

The Crush defense can be beat. I mean, we give up multiple break-aways and/or odd man rushes per game, but it doesn't seem to matter. Sure Skinner is going to fill his breezers with doo-doo for a few goals against (five), but he is good for a couple saves. We love you "Long Dong".

Offense, the big "O", is the secret to Crush dominance. Actually it isn't much of a secret, but no team has been able to contain this beast. Let's take Monday night for example. The starting line is Levi Shugart, Monty Trottier, and Conor Darby. This jumble of speed, talent, and patience hooked up to bury 3 out of the 4 first period goals scored by the Crush. As the lines were shuffled, one of these players either scored or got a helper on 9 out of 10 of the games total goals. Shurgart (patience) embarrassed the goal tender four times Monday night; three or which were deke's. This master of the forehand burn has a collection goalie jock straps that he cuts from his victims as the lay there in smoldering pain. Darby (speed) walks defenders for a living. If he is coming down on you one-on-one or one-on-two you are better off faking a fall to save the humiliation. He is liable to smoke you with one of three finishing moves. He will dangle the biscuit in front of your face making you want it soooo bad, but as soon as you make your move he pulls off a patented toe drag leaving his prey bent over at the blue line bent over with his/her pants down. He then finishes with a goal or an assist. Darby's other two finishers are the "spin move" and the dreaded "puck between his own feet kick up". These moves are currently being perfected and saved for the Modak Cup series. Trottier (talent) has prove to be a great addition to the Crush roster. Not only does Monty go in the top two rounds of the fantasy draft, but he leads the team in assists when he is there. A true playmaker and a treat to watch, Monty is a role model for many of the Crush fans. Monty continues to dominate teams with vision. His head is on a swivel as he feathers magical passes to his line makes who usually finish with goals, or scoring opportunities.

Well, that's about enough "pumpin up the tires" for these three. They are all probably due for bigger helmets after reading this. I don't like to leave anyone out of the praise, because we are a team, so here it goes...Good job Soucek, Williams, Wade-Nutz, Beanzy, Edmunds, Harry, & Skinny. Thanks also to Martel for the delivery of Icehouse and for the three dumps I took the following morning before 9am.

BOX SCORE: 10-5

First Period:

1. Levi (Soucek)
- Big Sky
2. Monty (Darby)
3. Darby (Monty, Levi)
4. Edmunds (Darby, Wade-Nutz)

Second Period:

- Big Sky
5. Edmunds (Darby)
6. Levi (Edmunds)

Third Period:

7. Levi (unassisted)
8. Soucek (Edmunds, Williams)
9. Monty (Beanzy)
- Big Sky
- Big Sky
10. Darby (Levi)

GAME MVP: Levi Shugart

NEXT GAME: Saturday night at 10:30pm versus the Ravens.
BEERMAN: Chris Edmunds

"I WANT THAT $100"

2007-01-17T10:44:00.000-08:00

Cody "BOOM BOOM" Bartholomew

WANTED: $100 REWARD

2007-01-17T08:37:00.000-08:00

Long Time No Blog

2007-01-09T16:06:00.000-08:00

Sorry boys, I have been busy at my real job and have had to neglect my true calling for a while. Not to fear, everyone's stats are tallied and fairly accurate.

The Crush took the ice last Sunday night against Gang Green. The Gang was short staffed due to the holiday break and fear. We have been noticing that a lot lately. Players actually staying at home with mommy instead of facing sure defeat. Green was able to to pick up a couple skaters which helped them score their only goal.

The Crush were short a few skaters as well. Martel, Swenson, Polzin, and Broadbridge were all healthy scratches. These sandbaggers think that just because it's the day of rest they don't have to make an appearance? Well, the word from upstairs is that the Crush are juggling lines and these guys may or may not be happy. Also, Fantasy Hockey Player, Patrick Broadbridge, has waived his rights for a first round pick next game. On a side note, Levi owes Edmunds 2 bones and Broadbridge owes Bart 2 bones (allegidly).

The game MVP was Chris Edmunds who finally came to play. Actually we gave him the honor because his girlfriend brought a case of beer for Soucek who forgot. That and because he was pulling tongue in the tunnel after the game. Keep livin the dream, Chris! Edmunds was a star on the ice as well. With three goals and three assists he not only buried the buscuit himself, but shared the wealth with a few of his teammates. This is more than we can say for the selfish play of Crush rookie, Levi Shuggart. Levi buried six goals with no helpers. This play is looked down upon by some organizations. The Crush, on the other hand, have clearly stated in Levi's contract the he can do or say whatever he wants. Period.

The Crush play the Super Cocks on Friday nigt hafter the Dogs game. This should be a good showing and prove to be a challenge for the Crush. We are predicting a short bench and a high blood alcohol content.

BOX SCORE: 12-1

1st Period:

1. Edmunds (Darby)
2. Levi (Monty)
3. Levi (Monty, Soucek)
4. Edmunds (Bart)

2nd Period:

5. Darby (Edmunds, Bart)
6. Edmunds (Stanley, Soucek)
7. Levi (Monty)
8. Stanley (Darby, Edmunds)
- Green
9. Levi (Edmunds)
10. Levi (Monty)

3rd Period:

11. Soucek (Darby)
12. Monty (Bart)

GAME MVP: Chris Edmunds

NEXT GAME: Friday night at 10:30pm versus Super Cocks (followed by GLOW game)

BEER MAN: Patrick Broadbridge

Fantasy Hockey

2006-12-18T13:22:00.000-08:00

Some Crush members have been partaking in some extracurricular during games. This recent phenom, "Fantasy Hockey", is sweeping the locker rooms. I would like to take this opportunity to briefly explain the rules.

The buy in is a dollar, but high stakes side bets aren't uncommon. Each night starts pre-game in the locker room with a mock draft. Games of paper rock scissors usually determine draft order. The first player to choose picks one member of the Crush (you can pick yourself) and so on down the line. There are two rounds leaving each participant with two fantasy players. The winner is the fantasy combo that tallies the most points that evening.

This is fun side game at beer league and it gives the guys something to talk about besides destroying teams 11-3. Some other things to think about is passing the puck to your fantasy players and so on. If you haven't tried this yet bring a dollar and things are bound to get more interesting.

See you all tonight at 8:30pm where we take on "Gang Green"

Without "Big Guns" Crush Hold on to Tie

2006-12-13T09:44:00.000-08:00

Instead of watching SNL on Saturday night a brave group of individuals merged their talent or lack their of to stuff Big Sky with a tie. The Crush locker room was "skinny" to say the least on Saturday. Without scoring leaders Levi Shugart, Conor Darby, Matt Polzin, Monty Trottier, and Tony Martel moral was at an all time low. If it wasn't for the reunion of Nathan Haines and Chris Edmunds the Crush ship may have been sunk.

Eight players took the ice only to see a full yellow bench at the other end of the building. Big Sky came out strong and played a relatively physical game. Something that is seemingly unheard of in our league these days. Edmunds showed why he is not to be overlooked in the points race getting stoned three times in the first shift, but finishing the night with three points. This tally boosted him two spaces in the scoring leaders top five, placing him in third place only 5 points out of the lead.

There is some suspicion whether the score sheet was doctored up in Nathan Haines's favor Saturday night, but we here with the Crush organization love this kid. Even thought there was strange handwriting adding assists next to his name and a note reading "INK ME" we will give him the props he thinks he deserves. Haines did steal the puck from teammate Cody Bart and finished with a five-hole explosion, so I guess that is good, right?

The Crush managed to pull off a tie late in the third with a goal from Edmunds. They look forward to the return of their money players, but have proven once again that they are a force to reckoned with.

BOX SCORE: 5-5

NEXT GAME: Thursday 14 Dec. 2006 at 10:30pm versus The Ravens

BEERMAN: Beanzy......(someone call him for me)

Crush Sink "Hispanic Titanic"

2006-12-13T09:20:00.000-08:00

You read it right, former Crush net minder and ill sense of humor Chris Gomez defended the pipes versus the men in blue last week sometime. The kid is a great addition to any bench, but did he have what it takes to stop the barrage of shots produced game in and game out by the Crush offense? What do you think....NO! He tried though. His crease drenched with sweat and urine....he tried.

The Crush continue their dominant season with another victory over a semi-good organization. You know, the team that has a few talented players that just don't click. It's too bad that every team doesn't have the luxury of daily 6am practice, off-ice training regiment, and a team nutrition specialist, but the Crush are that dedicated to perfection. This organization is not built on skill level alone, but also a big heart, and even bigger liver.

BOX SCORE: 6-2
GAME MVP: Monty Trottier

"Crush Continue Skate for World Domination"

2006-11-30T14:41:00.000-08:00

The Mighty Crush from Boom-Town took the ice last night versus the veteran Super Cocks. Catchy name isn't it, funny thing is these guys are actually sponsored by Viagara. The Crush organization doesn't like to get mixed up in the sponsorship malay. They do however accept bribes, last night for example, we accepted a bribe from Sam Adam's himself. The Crush members are heroes on and off the ice, and if that means staying "late" to finish off the last of the beers so be it. The front office has actually started implementing fines for those who don't stick it out for the long haul. A recent recipient of such a fine, Beanzy, had this to say, "I can't believe it...All I want to do after the game is go home to a nice cup of cocoa and whisper sweet nothins to my 30 something girlfriend". The Crush will have no such talk and no such attitudes. If you choose strokin the yellow lab over lookin at schlong and downin a few after the game you will pay the ultimate price. That's enough of this pathetic subject, I haven't reported in such a feminine manor since we dusted the sand from Skinner's surgically enhanced labia.

Manchild defensemen Cody "BOOM BOOM" Bart dropped it like it was hot Wednesday night to start the scoring in both the second and the third period. He hit the back of the net so hard on his first rip that it looked like a break out pass as the puck baked the goalie on the right and popped back out on the left. The second goal was like nothing Crush fans have ever seen from Bart. He is known for his stinky "BOOM" in the locker room, as well as, from the blue. This heroic act was neither. He snuck untouched into the zone where he hesitated for a second gaining the hash marks and then the upper corner. The building erupted...

Last night's game was another blowout victory for the Crush. The boys in blue put up three in the first, four in the second, and five in the third. Apparently the Viagara only lasts a period and a half. The Supercocks reportedly ran this add last week in the paper, "WANTED: Old men with old saggy ballz who enjoy public humiliation on and off the ice". Well, look's like they had a few takers.

In other news, the Crush plan a new strategy to save the integrity of the opposing team. The plan is simple. First, they advise all players to come drunk and or stoned. Pain Killers are also permitted, anything that may impact your ability in a negative manor is encouraged. Second, they plan on pulling the goalie for the duration of period number two. Instead of playing with six skaters they will further penalize themselves a go with four skaters and an open net. At this point the third period stage will be set. The Crush feel they should be at least down by six goals, at this point, and have a small hole to dig themselves out of to compete for the win. The hangover may or may not be setting in, but lord knows the goalie will be pickled. What else do you expect him to do on the bench in the second. The game plan is simple, and the boys will implement it at the next practice. The scheme is cleverly titled, "Operation: Give the Babies the Puck Back".

BOX SCORE: 12-1

First Period:

1. Beanzy (Edmunds, Darby)
2. Edmunds (Bart)
3. Swenson (unassisted)

Second Period:

4. Bart (Levi, Monty) BOOM
5. Edmunds (Darby, Beanzy)
6. Darby (Edmunds)
7. Darby (Edmunds)
- Cocks

Third Period:

8. Bart (Monty, Levi)
9. Levi (Monty)
10. Wade (unassisted)
11. Darby (Bart, Edmunds)
12. Monty (Levi) BOOM

GAME MVP: Ken Williams

NEXT GAME: Monday Dec. 4th versus the Ponies @ 10:00pm.

BEERMAN: Chris Edmunds (bring the pepto)

Crush Forfeit?

2006-11-27T06:46:00.000-08:00

Scheduling mix up caused the Crush to be short-handed Sunday night. The organization would like to apologize to anyone who wasn't called regarding the change. The game was at 5:30 and the schedule said 10:00. Please verify your phone numbers with Cody Bart. Again we are sorry for this mis-print and we will get it taken care of here, in the front office.

NEXT GAME: Wed. November 29th at 10:00pm versus Super Cocks.

BEERMAN: Tony Martel

Crush Find Cure for "Gang Green"

2006-11-21T07:45:00.000-08:00

Game in and game out Crush net-minder, Josh "Long-Dong" Skinner, comes to play. And yes ladies, it's not just a nickname, it's reality.....BOING! I don't want Skinny to get a "big head" over this post, but I promised him ink if he gave the Crush a shut-out. There was some disagreement of whether four saves deserves praise, but I feel a shut-out in men's league is quite an accomplishment. Especially with our defense. WOW! "Gang Bang" did produce a couple odd man rushes and even some break-away opportunities, but they usually resulted in some clown tripping over the blue line or shooting the puck in the corner.

Carl Swenson, sober, blew the dust off his stick with a first period tally. As you may recall Swens was a past Crush scoring leader, but with the addition of new blood, Carl has been somewhat quiet. With talk of a weight loss challenge, look for Swenson to sober up periodically and find some of his old magic.

The Crush finished the first with a 1-0 lead. After the second the score was 3-0. The third period was a different story. Crush off ice training proved to be the dominant factor. As Gang Green traded hits off the oxygen tank the Crush continued to excel. The Crush were awarded five more goals in the third to bring the grand total to eight. Matt "Kid Rock" Roets even got in on the action scoring on his own team. Not only was this a miscue, but he buried the biscuit five hole with some authority. That is one way to tell your organization to F!@K OFF!

BOX SCORE:

First Period:

1. Swenson (Beanzy)

Second Period:

2. Edmunds (Beanzy, Monty)
3. Beanzy (Soucek)

Third Period:

4. Levi (Monty - flip pass break-away)
5. Darby (Soucek - short-handed)
6. KEN WILLIAMS (actually the other team scored on their own net)
7. Beanzy (Monty)
8. Monty (Darby, Levi)

GAME MVP: Josh Skinner

NEXT GAME: Sunday Nov. 26th versus Super Cocks

BEERMAN: Carl Swenson

Skinner Makes Snow Angels as Crush Limit Out on Ravens

2006-11-17T07:36:00.000-08:00

As Rookie of the year candidates battle for a piece of the pie, one man continues to rein supreme. What can I say about this talented individual? Only thing that comes to mind is, "Blame Canada". Crush hold out and Assistant to the Assistant Captain, Levi Shugart, came to play on Wednesday night. The Crush had been formerly snake bitten in the first period this season, but not any more. Levi took matters into his own has as he amazed the fans scoring a natural hat-trick which gave the Crush an early lead. The fans in the stand must've been short hats to throw because the ice was littered with bras and panties. Calm down ladies, he's happily married! Levi's first tally was his patented triple deek. This is where he lures the goalie in with a lazy shoulder then he pumps the breaks hard, looks the goalie in the eye, winks, toe drag, magic, YAY! Not to be out done, Levi found another trick in his magic sack. It is hard to explain, but I think it was called the, "Falling down got lucky beeyotch backhander", of something like that. This wasn't the last of Levi finding the back of the net, but I think I've massaged his marbles plenty.

The Ravens are a good skating well mannered team. Anyone who delivers a 12er of Molson to the Crush locker room pregame is a hero in my book. I would like to take this opportunity to personally thank the Ravens organization and let you guys know we look forward to skating with you in the future. What do the Crush do with three 12-packs??? You know it!

Two honorable mentions for the nights MVP were Crush veteran Cody Bart (self nominated) and newbie Conor Darby. Darby, another rookie, manages to grind out goals and create scoring opportunities game in and game out. What Conor lacks in helmet color, he makes up for in speed and dedication. Cody Bart finally managed to do what he does best. Drink beer and drop bombs from the point. Goal number one caught the opposition off guard as Bart snuck in top of the circle caught a pass from Monty and threaded the needle low stick side. Number two (same shift) was a bit of a lucky goal, but that didn't take anything away from Bart's celebration. Toe drag, "BOOMTIME", deflection.....GOAL! Crush win.

Crush goalie, Josh "LongDong" Skinner, hasn't been in the press much lately, but that doesn't mean anything negative. I told him he wasn't getting any ink until he mustered up a shut-out, oops I said it.....Anyways, nice work Skinner....Glad to have you....Nice performance on and off the ice.....Did I miss anything? Glory slut.

BOX SCORE

1st Period

1. Shugart (Beanzy, Wade-Nutz)
2. Shugart (Monty)
3. Shugart (unassisted)

2nd Period

- Ravens
4. Darby (Swenson)
5. Shugart (Darby, Wade-Nutz)

3rd Period

6. Darby (Beanzy, Williams)
- Ravens
7. Bart (Monty)
8. Bart (Beanzy)
9. Broadbridge (Levi, Darby)

GAME MVP: Levi Shugart

NEXT GAME: Sunday Nov. 19th @ 10:00pm versus Gang Green (undefeated)

BEERMAN: Tony Martel

Ponies Struggle with Loss of Their Mascot

2006-11-06T07:52:00.000-08:00

Former team captain and chief punk, "Pony Boy", is no longer on the Ponies roster. Rumors are circulating as to why Pony Boy is gone. All of which lead to a question of sexual preference. "He was always trying to soap my back in the shower", one Pony says. "He couldn't seem to keep his eyes above the waist in the locker room", says another. We don't need to go into any more detail, but I think you get the picture.

Pony Boy was not only the team captain but also the mascot. He got his nickname from his long flowing, perfectly groomed, washed and conditioned, red pony tail. It's too bad they had to let him go. He brought a certain "flair" to the game and was always good for a couple goals. It's too bad the Ponies franchise can't look past his sexual preference. I mean, what hockey player's sexuality hasn't been questioned a time or two?

Back to the game at hand...The Crush are still snake bit in the first period. They seem to take the first period of each game to "size up" their opponent. Saving their legs for the scoring barrage usually starting early in the second period.

Last nights fire was started by Crush veteran, Chris Edmunds. Edmunds found himself all alone versus former Crush tender, Chris "The Hispanic Titanic" Gomez. Edmunds took it to the house with a shoulder fake and head bob...He buried the puck blocker side and returned to center ice without celebration. Gomez was later quoted saying, "You suck Edmunds, that wasn't a deke...you bobbled the puck you f!@*ing moron". Edmunds classily replied, "Suck my d!@k you little chalupa bender, I baked you out of your blocker and glove"! A small fist fight soon followed ending up with the two hugging and kissing and sharing a Kokanee pounder with two straws.

The next goal was a beauty. Big Tom Soucek was back in Crush blue Sunday night after missing the first game due to contract negotiations. We are all glad things worked out for Soucek and the Crush. Just to show there was no hard feelings between "Long Arm" and this organization, Soucek beat Gomez with a laser beam wrister from the point. Gomez told this reporter later that the puck "pinballed" it's way to the back of the net, but we all saw that it was tucked in clean.

Conor Darby, Crush rookie, ended the second period scoring marathon with a natural hat trick. What a positive addition to the Crush roster. This kid has make the transition from AHL to BAHA very successfully. His first tally was the result of tic-tac-toe passing by teammates Monty Trottier and Levi Shugart. The second was also assisted by Shugart. The third goal was the direct result of hard work and break away speed. A short handed attempt, Darby casually put the black tuna can on the top shelf beating Gomez glove side. Ding.....Beeyotch......Crowd goes wild!

Haines dropped it like it was hot from the point with some serious heat. This "Boom Time" goal was assisted by Broadbridge who won a draw clean and put is on Nate's tape. Chick-Chick....BOOM....Crowd goes wild!

BOX SCORE: 6-1

First Period:

- No Score

Second Period:

1. Edmunds (unassisted)
2. Soucek (unassisted)
3. Darby (Monty, Levi)
4. Darby (Levi)
5. Darby (unassisted)

Third Period:

6. Haines (Broadbridge)
- Ponies

GAME MVP: Conor Darby (Beanzy w/ MVP stick was a no show. Ceremonies postponed)

Next Game: Thursday Nov. 9th @ 9:00pm versus Big Sky.
(Tom Soucek - Beer Man....welcome back)

Crush Abuse Cocks in Season Opener

2006-10-31T08:43:00.000-08:00

A scoreless first period had little to no effect on the Crush's confidence level.

Moral was heightened after Crush newcomer Matt "Beanzy" Polzin found the back of the net to start the Crush scoring spree in the second period. Fellow Crush rookie Monty Trottier WOWed the crowd next with a tic-tac-toe tally assisted by Swenson and Beanzy.

The Super Dicks got on the board w/ a questionable goal that had even the alleged goal scorer correcting the ref.

The Mighty Blue answered on the same shift with a little more of that stinky stinky top cheese. What a performance by rookie Levi Shugart. The Crush dropped serious money on this kid, and I think it was well worth it. Levi has already moved into an assistant to the assistant captain role and is proving to be a born leader.

Carl Swenson, straight from the bar to the bench, closed the second period with a buzzer beater goal which he buried off an offensive zone face-off. This goal was followed by a trip to the men's room, where Carl proceeded to purge the system.

The third period was more of the same for the Crush. Dominating both ends of the rink and trying to stay out of the box. New rules this season will force teams to play a more homosexual, I mean finesse style of play. This style of play discriminates against any touching of the opposing teams genitalia, hugging, and/or kissing. This will be a hard pill to swallow for the generally very affectionate Blue Crush.

The Crush will have a week off before they face past rival "The Ponies". I'm sure the Ponies are looking to settle old scores, due to the Crush ending their playoff hopes in the preseason.

BOX SCORE: 7-3

First Period:

- No Score

Second Period:

1. Beanzy (unassisted)
2. Monty (Swenson, Beanzy)
- Super Cocks
3. Levi (Darby, Monty)
4. Beanzy (Levi)
5. Swenson (unassisted)

Third Period:

6. Darby (Levi, Bart)
- Super Cocks (Bart-Oops!)
7. Levi (Edmunds)
- Super Cocks (Ringer)

GAME MVP: BEANZY

Next Game: Sunday Nov. 5th @ 10:00pm versus Ponies.
(Nathan Haines - Beer Man....no Bud diesel)

Crush Season Opener Oct. 30th

2006-10-23T12:51:00.000-07:00

The Crush blow the dust off their jock straps Monday night October 30th versus the expansion "Super Cocks". I don't know if this clever team name is making up for something that may be missing, or are these skaters just "Big Dicks"? We will all find out Monday.

I know my faithful readers have long awaited the "Crush vs. Red Army" recap that capped the existence of the Valley Ice Garden. I apologize, and regret to inform you that I don't even remember what happened. I will have Crush skaters collectively put there heads together, and try relive this once glorious occasion. So stay tuned...

Does anyone have any information regarding the Crush locker room? This mythical trailer built by puck bunny dreams and hot tub stories? If anyone has any information please let me know.

Crush Fans.....Please come out to cheer on your new......AND IMPROVED Blue Crush.

Congratulations to Patrick Broadbridge and his wife Amy for the birth of their new left winger, Ryder Davis.

Crush Edge BBN to Shatter Ponies Championship Hopes

2006-09-14T14:58:00.000-07:00

The day started slow with an 8am loss and 10 hours between games. I mean how do expect the Crush to stay sober on a Saturday?.....You don't. By game time the coach was traveling door to door dragging washed up hockey players from the couch pulling them from mommies titty and throwing them in the team bus. The Dog's loss left the Crush bruised but not broken. Nothing a little medicine couldn't cure.

Coming into this contest the Crush were +4 in points with one loss. The cross town rival Ponies also had a loss and finish their round ahead +7 in points. The first criteria for a championship birth would have been decided with head to head play, but since the Crush and Ponies didn't have the opportunity it was all based on points. The Crush knew the stakes going into this one and we knew we needed 4 or 5 points to make it to the show....

Well, make it they did...Despite late period empty net misfortune the Crush managed to defeat BBN w/ a score of 7-3. The bar was set after former Crush tender Chris Gomez beat his older brother Mike like a rented mule, sending Mike into a temper tantrum for the rest of the night. Later that night Chris was quoted cracking jokes about Mike's mom.

Stay Tuned for Championship Results!

**NEWS**BAHA POWER LEAGUE REGISTRATION DUE TODAY SEPT. 20TH AT PLAY-IT-AGAIN SPORTS**

Crush Dogged in Quarter Finals

2006-09-13T06:52:00.000-07:00

GAME 2:

Not to worry, this tournament was a round robin, we still have a chance to take it all! As all of you know the Crush's weakness has been time and time again the Red Army. This morning skate was no exception. Our goalie could only do so much to stop the talented Red squad. I wasn't surprised with their roster, and I still thought we had a chance. Any time you schedule a Crush game at 8am you are bound to catch us at the height of the hangover. Most skaters caught a sober lift to the rink, while others braved the back roads. Long story short, the Crush dropped another "heart breaker" to the Red Army. Best excuse I can come up with is that we couldn't' get enough red beers in our boys before the game.

I wish I had play by play result for my faithful bloggers, but those brain cells were eliminated Saturday night. I do remember one thing. The Crush spent most of the second period in the penalty box due to altercations involving some physical play and a lot of chirping. Those of us who were present know exactly how things went down so I won't even get into it...Thanks for the Krispy Kreme RED!

BOX SCORE:

1st Period:

- Dogs
- Dogs

2nd Period:

- Dogs
- Dogs
1. Becker (Soucek)
2. Becker (Gomez)

Crush Top Big Sky in R.I.P Tournament Opener

2006-09-11T08:14:00.000-07:00

GAME 1:

The Mighty Blue started the weekend on a positive note downing the always tricky Big Sky. The first period was filled with clumbsy feet and blown scoring opportunities. After the first 25 minute outing the Crush started to gain momentum, (sobered up), which enabled them to pull out an opening round victory.

BOX SCORE:

First Period:

- Big Sky
1. Haines (unassisted)

Second Period:

2. Edmunds (Martel)
3. Edmunds (Martel) - technically tipped by Becker
4. Becker (Becker
5. Gomez (Paulzene)
6. Edmunds (Swenson, BART)
7. Edmunds (Bondo)

Game MVP: Chris Edmunds

Fall 2006 Adult Hockey Tournament

2006-08-16T12:21:00.000-07:00

Say goodbye to the Valley Ice Garden and help get the new rink started. Well the time has come for the R.I.P. V.I.G. tourney and they are looking for teams and money. All the proceeds are going towards the new rink at the fairgrounds. I am looking to put together a group of 15 skaters to keep the fees down to roughly $35 a skater. I may be looking for a few more skaters so let me know who is interested. Here is a prelim. roster. Not everyone has confirmed.

Cody Bartholomew
Nate Haines
Chris Edmunds
Tony Martel
Josh Lunski
Tom Soucek
Beanzy
Conor Darby
Pete Bondo
Wade Nutz
Ken Williams
Mike Hayes
Monty Trottier
Carl Swenson
Adam Becker
Josh Skinner

Blue Crush...New rink, New team?

2006-07-12T07:16:00.000-07:00

We are accepting applications for the new Crush roster. I am trying to get in touch with BAHA men's league to ensure us a spot. Get a hold of me soon if you are interested because I do have outside interest in our organization. Thanks a lot, and I hope everyone is having a good summer.

The Wait is Over!

2006-05-12T08:28:00.000-07:00

Finally, Fairy Dawg Productions has finished Volume 1 of the Blue Crush video diaries. As you will see in this game the Crush dominated the Red Army up and down the rink. Pay close attention to the first goal and be sure to visit the locker room interviews. Thanks for staying loyal to the Crush this season and have a great summer. We will be up and blogging in the fall, but check back often anyways. I may get bored and dream up a summer blog to keep in touch.

Crush Championship Loss Under Review

2006-05-03T13:54:00.000-07:00

**Late Breaking News** The Mighty Blue dropped a heart breaker in the Championship game of this past winter session. Undisclosed sources say the Ponies have resorted to "unfair" trade tactics again. The dirty roster is under review pending decision by the association. The Crush prefer not win based on politics, but we will gladly accept a formal apology and written proof stating these allocations signed and dated by each member of the Ponies organization. Rostered members that is.

Crush Post Season Play Begins Tonight

2006-04-25T09:55:00.000-07:00

The Crush go into the post season with back to back wins versus Big Sky. We have drawn the Rockers in the first round which is good...I guess. There is a six team format. The Dogs played the Ponies first round and the winner advances to the Championship. The Crush would have to beat the Rockers tonight, beat the winner of the Big Sky / Wolfpack game tomorrow, and then contend for the coveted medal round.

Some Crush players have already fulfilled their wildest expectations placing second out in Spokane, but others, like Crush veteran Patrick Broadbridge, are out for blood. I had the opportunity to speak with Broadbridge last night over a cold beer. Oh, by the way, the Crush versus Red Army highlight reel where we lit their asses up is coming soon. I had the pleasure of cutting music for this ESPY nominee last night. Anyway, back to the story at hand. I asked Patrick, star Crush winger, if he would be returning next season. He gave me the usual, my back hurts..I'm having a baby..Oops I crapped my pants lecture, all before I slammed my beer and slapped his face. I reminded him of the Crush tradition, and what it means to put on that blue jersey week in and week out. I told him there is a line a mile long of skaters who dream about some day wearing Crush blue. I asked him again if he was really ready to give up all the fame and fortune, if his liver was ready to divorce the weekly injections? Long story short, he never did give me a straight answer, but I could see it in his eyes, he was ready to lay all the cards on the table for this post season, he was is ready to bleed blue and do what it takes for a victory.

I just hope the rest of the Crush know what we are playing for and value their place in history as much as Broadbridge does. CRUSH-4-LIFE!

Bozeman Cats Finish Second in Spokane

2006-04-18T07:35:00.000-07:00

This past weekend a collection of local men's league skaters and MSU club hockey players joined forces to compete in the annual Northwest Classic hockey tournament in Spokane. This tourney has been a permanent fixture on the calendar for the past 4 years. Finally a Bozeman team was able to put aside their men's league differences for five games and actually compete on Sunday for the BIG hardware. There are a lot of trophy's in a 32 team tournament, but only one bigger than ours...

Some may argue that we had an "easy" road to Sunday, and maybe we did...We did, however, destroy our semifinal matchup on Sunday morning. Saturday night was the bigger story. The stage was set for a loss and another Sundayless tournament. A loss on Saturday night means it's time to drink hard and go home early. The score was 4-1 late in the second of two periods. 4-2...4-3...and then the unthinkable. Levi Shugart, team captain, coach, and star forward, saucered a pass from the corner under pressure to the front of the net where Matt Paulzene a.k.a. "Beansy" was crashing the net only to take the puck mid-air and stuff it 5-hole. The building erupted...

The shoot out went three a side before the Bozeman Cats unleashed their secret weapon...Levi Shugart. This heroic move on the tender sent Levi sliding into the corner and the puck to the back of the netting. Skinner stayed tough under pressure to stop the forth shooter in his first shoot-out experience.

Sunday morning was a battle, but with Jordy Trottier's go ahead goal late in the second we were able to hang on for a 4-3 victory over the Calgary T-Birds. As the seconds ticked off the Cats managed to "eat" the puck in the corners to fend off a hungry Calgary squad. Nathan Haines tried to cure his hangover with a concussion, but I guess that doesn't help.

Game five was a seemingly one sided 4-0 loss. The Spokane Grinders took the ice with a vengeance. This team was not only a physical presence, but a very talented hockey team. With four ex-NHL skaters we knew we were in for a battle. After the game our coach told us in ten out of ten games we would lose to that team. I believe him.

**COMING SOON** Blue Crush Vs. Dogs Highlight reel!

Pete Biondich: Rookie of the Year Finalist

2006-04-03T15:36:00.000-07:00

The recent coaches polls have Biondich at a slight advantage over Crush newcomers Adam Becker and Josh Skinner. Past voting had Bondo tailing the race, but after last weeks outing versus the weathered Wolfpack Pete took a commanding lead. This young playmaker carried the Crush with one goal two assists. The goal was a glorious wrister from the blue line that sped past the net minder upper corner. The Crush and Biondich had expressed interest in each other pre-season, but little did this organization know they getting such a stand up defender. So what if he is only good for one offensive rush before he's dry heaving in the tunnel. The Crush boast a more stay at home style of play. If we all rushed the puck we would probably have three or four defensmen puking in the corner. Before this year Bondo only knew the Crush as the enemy, and rightfully so...

The last time Pete played men's league at the Ice Garden he wasn't wearing Crush blue....Let's just say he wasn't with us, but rather, against us. This almost career ending appearance left Bondo bruised but not broken....except for his nose, that is. To set the record straight on this rather contravercial event I have interviewed all parties involved...One of the hall of famer defensemen for the Crush saw that his forwards were heading for the locker room early so he thought it was his turn to show off the magic. He danced his way thru the opposition leaving him one on one with Pete "Dead Meat" Biondich. He decided to take Pete outside because that's what defensemen rushing the puck do. His saw the slightest hole and took advantage. Cutting in behind Bondo he managed to slide the puck past the goalie 5-hole. At this exact moment the goalie hit his stick which sent the blade in the air towards the still tailing Biondich. It was too late, things were happening too fast to react. Pete took one in the nose and the rest was history. He was sent to the E.R. for stitches. He took a year off at the request of his wife, but now has returned to the ice to settle old scores and feed his inner hockey player....or liver, or whatever. I have intentionally left out the name of the other Crush player involved to protect his integrity, but he has apologized.

Last week Pete helped the Crush pump the Wolfpack and get back on top. Skinner's losing steak is over and the end of the season is near. The Rookie of the Year trophy is still up for grabs and it's anyone's guess who will rise to the occasion this week. Good luck boys!

BOX SCORE:

First Period:

1. Haines
- Pack
2. Swenson (Soucek)

Second Period:

3. Hayes (Soucek)
4. Becker (Edmunds, Haines)
5. Edmunds (Haines, Bondo)
6. Hayes (Swenson, Bondo)
- Pack

Third Period:

7. Bondo

Game MVP: Pete Biondich

Next Game: Tuesday April 4th @ 7:00pm versus the Ponies. (Beerman: Tom Soucek)

Skinner's Losing Streak Continues

2006-03-27T07:56:00.000-08:00

Everyone enjoys the glory of seeing their name on the internet, or do they? I prefer to blog about positive events that happen on the ice, but being the Crush are down I find myself trying to "light a fire" so to speak.

First of all let's talk about the normally outstanding Crush goaltender Josh Skinner. I didn't even know he dropped four straight until he told me after last weeks loss versus the Red Army. When he was out of town for spring break we had replacement goalies who brought us a couple victories. You knew things weren't going Skinner's way when he snapped a brand new stick in the locker room before he took the ice. The next thing that Skinny didn't have going for him was the referee. I don't know what Skinner hates worse....being blue balled by a 19 year old stripper or fending the pipes while this young zebra is calling the game. Josh got so frustrated he looked like the goalie from "Slapshot", you know, "Da air here make me sick...puke, blah, puke". In any event the question in the locker room is, "Will Skinner carry the Crush to a much over due title?" The answer and more......

Second let's talk about the Crush defense. Formerly the toughest "D" in the league, but lacking as of late. When you let a three on one break out with the puck carrier traveling at a whopping speed of 1/2mph you should maybe re-evaluate what we are doing out here. No lie, I saw a dude making moves with the puck so slow that by the time that he hit the Crush blue line the defenders had retreated all the way back to the Zamboni room. It was pathetic. Almost as sad as Skinny letting in another goal upper corner. Skinny better hit the hallway at the rink with the tennis balls and a five pound weight in his glove. I don't mean to keep calling out Skinner and the Crush defense, because we do what we can, and that is usually enough for a win. So what if our breakout high off the glass or "over the top". If it works and we KNOW Crush forwards will be hanging out by the red line, why not use it.

Backchecking, a term left out of most beer leaguer's vocabularies. I am fine with that too, I mean I have skated forward and I too suffer from a fat lazy ass, but there is one thing I do not understand. Why do our forwards skate hard until they hit the red line and then peter out, no offense Bondo. Or why do they "almost" catch the opposing puck carrier and then just give up? I mean we dominated the Ponies last week and still came up short on the score board. I think it was some of the best Crush breakouts of the year. The Ponies were giving us the neutral zone and we took advantage. Although the score board didn't register a win, I still think the Crush played a great game. The Red Army game was a good showing as well.

Despite the reffing and the bad calls I think we played a good game. If the puck travels six inches across the red line and the ref is too busy chatting with Martel to see the goal, I can safely say that he licks Donkey Kong's ballz.

That being said, it is time for the Crush to wake up. Get serious, and bring home some wins. We have three games a week for two more weeks, let's wipe the sand from the labia and show the world why the Crush are "Bozeman's answer to beer league hockey".

Tony Martel "The Man - The Legend"

2006-03-22T15:25:00.000-08:00

Who is Tony Martel? Where did he come from? Where did he shape and finely tune his hockey skills to create such a crowd pleasing style of play? I don't know the answer to these questions, but what i do know is that I have been lucky enough to watch Tony Martel take the ice.

For those of you who don't know Tony I will describe him briefly. When this guy puts on Crush blue he looks like Paul Bunyan wearing Babe the blue ox. He is quite the physical presence. If you are trying to clear Martel from the front of the net you better brace yourself for a beating. I have seen Tony pimp slap little bitches so hard they were sent end over end into the corner. There is usually a trail of equipment leading to some bloody pile of weakling. You might think that acting in this nature would draw a penalty. Hell no! If you were a referee would you be brave enough to penalize this beast. Why not just put a gun in your mouth and pull the trigger. Besides Martel's physical dominance he has some of the sweetest hands in the business. I've witness Tony catch a two line pass while carrying his line mates into the zone on his back only to throw them at the defenders and bake the goalie top shelf.

You may think I'm joking, but this week's Box Score doesn't lie. The Mighty Crush took the ice this week versus the always friendly Big Sky. Both teams were short staffed, but we had a very classy meeting. The only wrench in the mix was starting Ice Dogs goalie, Matt Dalton. This kid has stopped more rubber this season that Manny Fernando. The Crush were speechless in warm-ups. It was rumored that Dalton's water bottle was filled with motor oil. This dude is one tough customer. Still on a partail spring break roster the Crush had to fill the pipes with star forward Chris Edmunds. "This is my second game of the week playing goalie." That is what he tells me before the game, like it's supposed to calm me down. I don't care if he played 100 games this week, I have seen him play and I would prefer him at center.

Martel started the scoring onslaught after ripping the post and setting up Coach Nyquist for his first in Crush blue. Martel again drew motor oil when he buried the biscuit off a beautiful pass from Mike Hayes. The doors were now open, or should I say the 5-hole.

The Crush players found the back of the net three times by way of 5-hole. Levi, Bart, & Hayes showed the fans that precision shooting does pay off.

Box Score:

First Period:

1. Nyquist (Martel, Hayes)
2. Hayes BOOMTIME
- Big Sky
3. Martel (Hayes, Broadbridge)

Second Period:

4. Shugart 5-HOLE
5. Bart (Shugart, Broadbridge)5-HOLE
- Big Sky
6. Becker (Broadbridge)
- Big Sky

Third Period:

7. Hayes (Broadbridge)

GAME MVP: Tony Martel (The Legend)

NCAA Hockey Tournament

2006-03-21T09:23:00.000-08:00

The road to the Final Four begins this Friday. The Crush are hosting a friendly pool, so go to the link below and print out your bracket. The cost is $5.00 and winnings will be paid out to first, second, and third place pending a worthy turn out. Fax your completed bracket to Patrick Broadbridge at 406-388-9124. Checks can be mailed to me at the address below, or you can pay in cash at the Ice Garden Wed. or Thurs. night. The Crush play Wed. at 9:00pm and Thurs. at 10:00pm. We will probably have brackets available in the locker room. Only a few days left so get that money in A.S.A.P.

PRINTABLE BRACKET:

http://www.uscho.com/pdf/general/2006bracket.pdf

BART'S ADDRESS:

Cody Bartholomew
117 Jackson Ln.
Belgrade, MT 59715

Crush Losing Streak is Over

2006-03-20T16:01:00.000-08:00

I like what I am seeing on the comment board. A little banter between competitors. Coach, I wouldn't stiff any team on the blog. If you are man enough to take the ice against the Mighty Blue you are worthy of praise. Well, I don't know if I would call it praise....recognition maybe? In any event, I have gotten into the habit of posting the previous outing as late as minutes before the next game. I will try get back on top of this page because I know we have many readers out there who have nothing better to do than check if the blog is updated multiple times per day.

The half Crush half all star team took the ice versus the veteran Wolfpack once again last Wednesday. The Spring Break roster was still in full swing with the additions of Natalie, Gomez, Shugart, Jorde Trottier, and Monte Trottier. Good thing to, because the Crush regulars saved their energy as the added talent lit up the score board.

Let's skip the normally mind blowing game recap and jump right in to the post game interviews. These interviews were recorded post game in the Crush locker room under the adult supervision of Corona and Labatt's Blue.

Zilla: Natalie, could you please elaborate on your first Crush experience?
Natalie: I single handedly had to show this group of semi-sober dreamers how to score. You don't score until you score!

Zilla: Broadbridge, how did the Crush do tonight?
Broad: The Crush that were here were present...

Zilla: Souch, same question?
Soucek: Our GM took a big risk adding new players to the roster last minute. A risk that paid off. Their goalie will sleep for a week.

Zilla: Levi, how do you feel about getting the nod two nights in a row?
Shugart: First night privilege, second night dream come true.

Zilla: Edmunds, how do you respond to the end of the Crush losing streak?
Edmunds: Some days you win, some days you lose, and some days it rains.....tonight it rained....Crush win 7-4.

BOX SCORE:

First Period:

1. Natalie (Edmunds, Broadbridge)
2. Jorde (Broadbridge, Soucek)
- Wolfpack

Second Period:

- Wolfpack
3. Jorde (Bart)
- Wolfpack

Third Period:

4. Broadbridge (Jorde)
5. Monte (Shugart)
6. Monte (Edmunds, Jorde)
- Wolfpack
7. Levi (Edmunds) OPEN NET

Next Game: An hour from now versus Big Sky.....

Crush Downed by Trottier Duo And Blackhawks

2006-03-15T12:00:00.000-08:00

Spring Break has proven to be a vacation for some, but a smorgasboard of mix matched men league games for others. The Crush were scheduled to play the Rockers on Monday night, but showed up to find the local jungle B Blackhawks. There were only two original Rockers present and the goalie wasn't one of them.....

That's right, the stand in tender was none other than former Crush starter, Chris (Hispanic Titanic) Gomez. Now I don't know what is higher lately, this guy's save percentage or his blood alcohol content. Gomez once again proved to be a dominating force between the pipes. Chris was the only reason that the Crush were held scoreless in the first. That and the fact that the blackhawks skaters were faster and in better shape than the Crush.

The Crush GM made some last minute calls trying to even the playing field so to speak. Putting on Crush blue for the first time in two tears was former Crush forward, Evan Ask. Evan brings an exciting element to the Crush offense and a physical presence in the corners. Also for the first time in Crush blue was none other than Levi Shugart. Levi is a offensive or defensive threat to any team. Levi is a former MSU Hellcat and huge supporter of a local "Don Cherry for President" coalition. Levi and I used to butt heads on the ice, but since last week our relationship has grown. The more times I can get this kid in a blue jersey the easier sale it will for next seasons offer. As I have said before, the Crush organization did approach Shugart this fall with a pretty hefty offer which he declined. I think we are a more mature team, and I think he sees that now. The final spring break roster add was the beautiful neice of former Crush sports writer, Ken Williams. As Kenny himself was basking in beautiful Costa Rica, his neice, Michelle was defending the family's honor atthe rink.

Despite these last minute aditions to the roster the Crush was still seemingly outmatched but the quicker jungle bombers. The score was one nothing after the first, four three after the second, and then the wheels fell off. With the Hawks scoring five goals to the Crush's single tally it was apparent that we are not the team I thought we were. Being force fed the third loss of the season was like swallowing a golf ball dipped in tabasco sauce. I think we need to take a step back and look at what got us here in the first place. This particular team became friends before they became teammates. I have noticed more and more finger pointing and porr attitudes on the bench. Remember boys, we are Bozeman's answer to beer league hockey. A model team for all others to envy. Take some pride in that blue uniform, and maybe run it through the wash every once in a while. The winning steak is over, might as well.

Will the Crush bounce back from this spring break shalacking? Will Levi Shugart join the Crush for good? These answers and more.....Blogger-4-Life!

BOX SCORE:

First Period:

- Hawks

Second Period:

- Hawks
- Hawks
1. Swenson (Soucek)
2. Edmunds (Bondo)
3. Ask (Swenson, Shugart)

Third Period:

- Hawks
- Hawks
- Hawks
- Hawks
- Hawks
4. Broadbridge (Bondo, Shugart)

Game MVP: None

Red Army Proves to be Crush Kryptonite

2006-03-14T07:25:00.000-08:00

After many days of sulking and soul searching, this blogger felt obligated to get it over with.....

Last Thursday night the Crush took the ice versus the feared Red Army for the second meeting of the season. The game was shaping up to be another Crush victory. Before the game even started (AT TEN) the Crush skaters were licking their chops at the sight of the Dog's and their short bench. The army had only managed to rally six players for the soon to be historic rematch between these two top teams.

The first period went as you might expect. The Dogs started the scoring on an early power play resulting from a high stick to the forehead of Ice Dog goalie coach, Stonie. The penalty box is a familiar place for defenseman Cody Bart. He spent most of his highschool career in there. I guess he learned his "aggressive" style of play from his older brother Casey "Dr. Hook" Bart, who as a highschool senior not only led the team in scoring, but also in penalty minutes. Alright, back to the lecture at hand...this flaming bag of shit that turned out to be on of the Crush's defining games. Red scored on a power play...the Crush answered with three....End of period tally...Crush 3 - Homos 1.

The blue all stars opened the second with a small flurry generating multiple scoring opportunities and resulting in two more Crush goals. Now anyone who plays men's league hockey knows that a 4 goal lead is about as safe as a condom that you dropped on the floor of your pickup while attempting to put it on. You can't just dust the sand off and call it good. The Dogs pumped in four unanswered goals, the forth being one of the more controversial goals of the evening, but when you are paying the refs wages for the evening I guess you can call goals from the blue line. Did the puck cross the line? Who gives a shit....End of the second.....Crush 5 - Hookers 5.

The third period was a seesaw battle of physical play and flaring tempers. I would rather hit the showers after the second than have to skate in another third period like that one. I am just happy to get this blog out of the way. This one has been festering in the closet like a stale terd. To Levi and his new squad, hats off. Next meeting I predict a fight...

BOX SCORE:

First Period:

- Dogs
1. Hayes (Broadbridge)
2. Swenson (Soucek)
3. Hayes (Bondo)

Second Period:

4. Broadbridge (Hayes, Swenson)
5. Edmunds (Becker)
- Dogs
- Dogs
- Dogs
- Dogs (CHEATERS)

Third Period:

6. Swenson (Bondo)
- Dogs
- Dogs
- Dogs
- Dogs
7. Hayes (unassisted)
8. Swenson (unassisted)
9. Hayes (Bondo)
- Dogs
- Dogs (empty net)

Game MVP: None

Late Power Play Collapse Proves Costly for Ponies

2006-03-09T15:03:00.000-08:00

The Crush took to the ice Monday night coming off a week long break for the Olympics. Those of us who didn't get the nod for Torino were a little rusty. The Ponies, on the other hand, had their bench padded with former Junior B skters from our local "Blackhawks" organization. In net for the Ponies was former Crush starter, Chris "Hispanic Titanic" Gomez. What will these guys try next? Junior A players? Division I college players? Hey maybe they will attend the NHL draft. This is proof enough that these teams will do anything to beat the Crush.

The first period proved to set the tone for the rest of the game. Although most of the play took place in our defensive zone, a couple of exciting goals kept the Mighty Blue on top. With veteran skills and a lot of patience Chris Edmunds found the top corner, beating Gomez like a rented mule. Chauk up another one for Crush superstar Patrick Broadbridge. As he danced his way throught traffic untouched it was one on one with former crease-mate, Gomez. Without hesitation Broadbridge drove Gomez deep between the pipes and beat him with a single shoulder fake and the classic move to the backhand. At the end of the first the score was Crush 2 and Ponies 1.

I seem to have blacked out in the second, but according to these numbers the Ponies managed to shut out the Crush two goals to nil. I do, however, remember the game's referee and my ride to the rink, Levi Shugart, sending me to the sin bin for a very shady slashing call. I guess that my interpretation of the rule is that if I don't make contact with the opponents body or hands and his stick doesn't break, then a two hander to the stick is acceptable. I went to the box without making a scene.

The third started with a two goal run in the Crush's favor. The Ponies answered and the game was now tied 4-4. Leave it up to Crush Captain and blogger extrordinaire, Cody Bart, to make things more interesting. It turned out to be a simple one on one that was just inside the blue and heading for the outside wall. Bart throws out a WEAK forearm shiver only to send horseman it what appeared to be an academy award winning performacne. As the seconds ticked off it would be five on four for almost the remainer of the game. With a front row seat to what I am about to type I can hardly find words to describe the emotions. Alls I remember is lifting my head and wiping away tears as Carl Swenson performed the unthinkable. I watched as Swenson stuffed Bill Riedman at the point, emerged with the biscuit, and left Bill standing in a puff of smoke holding his jock. Good thing Bill was last man, because Carl made this breakaway attempt look as if it was in slow motion. Long story short, he buried the wrister to win the game 5-4.

BOX SCORE:

First Period:

1. Edmunds (Skinner)
2. Broadbridge (Edmunds, Bart)
- Ponies

Second Period:

- Ponies
- Ponies

Third Period:

3. Edmunds (Swenson, Bart)
4. Broadbridge (Becker, Bart)
- Ponies
5. Swenson (unassisted)

Game MVP: Josh Skinner

Next Game: Tonight Thurs March 10 at 9:00pm versus The Dogs (Beerman: Kenny)

Guilty Conscience

2006-03-06T18:54:00.000-08:00

Believe it of not, this faithful blogger was going to refrain from posting a write-up for the last game. Well, as you might have guessed, a small blue angel like figure appeared on my right shoulder this evening on my way home from dry land training. Just for fun let's call this little guy Patrick.

Startled at first I said, "Where the hell did you come from". "I am the Crush fairy, and keeper of all that is blog", he replied. He went on to brag about how good he was at hockey and drinking. Then he reminded me that peoples feelings could actually be hurt if I failed to fill the internet with lies and stories of fading talent from hockey's past. I agreed and the little whiner disappeared.

So here I sit only moment's before the next game, taking valuable time from my traditional pregame bathroom ritual, to type this blabber.

The Crush took last week off, probably due to the Home and Garden Show filling the Ice Garden. At any event, the Crush last graced the ice with greatness a couple Thursday's ago versus the dreaded Big Sky.

To our advantage Big Sky only had five skaters and you can imagine what was to come. The Crush dominated the first period ending in a score of 4-1. We then lent Big Sky two of our best skaters for the remainder of the night. With a hat trick by, the Crush's own, Adam Becker Big Sky managed to keep it real with a final score of 9-6.

BOX SCORE:

First Period:

1. Broadbridge (Swenson)
- Big Sky
2. Broadbridge (Hayes)
3. Swenson (Soucek, Broadbridge)
4. Becker (Bart)

Second Period:

5. Swenson (Haines, Skinner - Ballsy poke-check pass from the goalie)
- Big Sky
6. Swenson (Bondo, Haines)
- Big Sky

Third Period:

- Big Sky (Becker)
- Big Sky (Becker)
7. Hayes (Broadbridge)
8. Bart (ALL ALONE BEEYOTCH)
9. Swenson (Broadbridge)
- Big Sky (Becker)

Game MVP: Patrick Broadbridge a.k.a. Guilty Conscience

Next Game: Tonight Monday March 6 @ 9:00pm versus the Ponies. (Beerman: T-Bone)

Stay Tuned

2006-02-28T15:38:00.000-08:00

I know my faithful bloggers are awaiting the next juicy post, but they will need to stand by. I keep forgetting the stat sheet form the last game and we have a week off. Check back often and post some dang comments. How do I know that you are reading this? Anyways, I don't want to have to resort to threats, but if you don't start commenting I will have Wilson assassinated.

Wolfpack Dissects Crush Defense.

2006-02-23T07:52:00.000-08:00

Coming off a long weekend of frigid weather and pickled livers, surprisingly, the Blue Crush managed to set the tone early Monday night versus the veteran Wolfpack. The Mighty Blue, led by Mike Hayes, racked up four goals in the first period and only gave up one. By gave up one, I mean that I was able to send another awkward tip through our goalie's legs. I think I need my stick checked out or, at least, my head examined. That tally proved to be my third of the season for the opposition.

The second period was a seesaw battle which began with another Wolfpack goal. After that it was Crush-Pack-Crush-Pack. Probably the most spectacular goal of the period was buried by, none other than, Cody Bartholomew. This playmaker and gift to hockey again showed us his strength and dedication. It was a tight foot race to the puck won by Bart only after nudging his way past the defender. All alone on the opposing goalie, Bart effortlessly slid the puck five-hole. The building erupted.

The score going into the third was 6-4 Crush. This is where things got a little hairy for both organizations. The Crush have been construed by many as a "third period" team, meaning that their play in the third generally exceeds that of the other two periods. Monday night proved otherwise. Passing was off and we couldn't seem to create any scoring opportunities. The Wolfpack, alternatively, did create some offense. Josh Skinner and his sand free labia, had a superb comeback appearance. This guy alone is the only reason the Crush didn't get blown away. The score remained 6-4 until the clock registered 1:36. A defensive breakdown in the Crush zone proved costly. The boys took to the center ice dot and the clock now read 1:00. If I could turn back time I would have called a time out, but I didn't. The hungry six members of the Wolfpack took to the Crush zone like a fat kid to cake. I was one of the Crush five that seemed to be a good second behind each pass. The Pack swarmed the net and managed to sink the game tieing goal with only three seconds remaining on the clock.

BOX SCORE:

First Period:

1. Hayes (Broadbridge, Swenson)
2. Becker (Broadbridge)
3. Swenson (Bondo)
4. Hayes (Bart)
- Wolfpack

Second Period:

- Wolfpack
5. Swenson (unassisted)
- Wolfpack
6. Bart (unassisted)
- Wolfpack

Third Period:

- Wolfpack (1:36)
- Wolfpack (0:03)

Game MVP: None

Next Game: Tonight Thursday Feb. 23rd at 10:00pm versus Big Sky. (Beerman-Chris Edmunds...Take Ian off the list and adjust the order accordingly)

BIGHORN RAMS - Back-to-Back Winterfest Rec League Champions

2006-02-20T16:23:00.000-08:00

The Bighorn Rams and the Blue Crush are two very different teams with one thing in common. They are both winner's. The history between myself and the Rams is only a few years old. Three years ago Josh Lunski and myself were approached by the Rams to play for them in an outdoor hockey tournament known as "The Wildwest Winterfest". We accepted the offer and played our livers out, but the team was seated in a third place game due to politics and jealousy. It wouldn't be until this year that I returned to the fairgrounds to battle for a chance at the coveted BAHA cup. For those of you who have never seen this beautiful piece of hardware, it is a beer keg topped with a sheet metal BAHA logo that dangles a trophy mug. The mug is for drinking champagne after the final game.

Now I had heard that the Bighorn Rams took down the opposition last year and indeed tasted the sweet bubbly, but I didn't have the opportunity to join them. This year, however, the Crush were nice enough to loan out a few players to help the Rams bring home the cup once again. Chris Edmunds, Tom Soucek, and myself were lucky enough to get the nod. When super star Charlie Pfleger of the Rams called me with the proposition I was speechless. Of course my answer was yes, but now came the nerves. I believe Chris Edmunds was nervous as well. I mean, why else would you spend 8 hours at the bar before the game? Chris not only brought an elevated blood alcohol content to the games, but also his sense of humor. Chris bore his flowing mullet wig and cooper hockey helmet for four days straight. I don't know if it was superstition, but it worked. Chris raised team moral every time he stepped on the ice. Even after being called out by Salmon Idaho's "ringer" who said, "I can skate circles around that guy", and went on to say, "our goalie can stop anything you throw at him", Chris was able to maintain composure, flowing mullet and all, and with my help he even got a goal.

Tom Soucek had a tremendous weekend, as well. Soucek carried the Rams on Saturday with two goals and outstanding defensive play. He summed up the championship game for himself as follows: First period - Soucek dominated.....Beginning of the second - Souch rules!....End of the Second - Souch ran out of gas....Third period - Souch stayed back to shut down any confidence they were gaining. I feel Soucek's pain, I too ran out of gas a couple times. The subzero weather conditions reminded me of growing up in North Dakota and skating nightly at Riverside Park. Except pack then I didn't' have "toe warmers", now whoever invented these things is a genius. Thanks Bob Meilnik for the toe warmer supply, as well as, the snacks and red bull. "Snackman" is like beerman, but I guess he only shows up for the tournaments.

Long story short, we of the Blue Crush would like to thank the Bighorn Rams for this opportunity and we hope you will consider us in the future. The champagne does taste better with skates on.

Special thanks to: Rich Zigreeno, Pete Geddis, Bob Schultz, Bruce Mickelson, Chez Dolozel, Larry Johnson, Bob Meilnik, Dave Quammen, Jim McDonald, Greg Fink, Dan Swanson, Steve Reida, Sean Hill, and Charlie Pfleger. Good Luck Rams.

BOX SCORE:

First Period:

1. Dave Quammen (Larry)
- Salmon

Second Period:

2. Chez (Charlie)
3. Bob (Rich)
4. Chez (Charlie)
5. Bart (Boom-Time)
6. Edmunds (Bart)

Third Period:

- Salmon
- Salmon

Game MVP: Goalie Sean Hill

Despite Third Period Hangover's Crush Come Out On Top

2006-02-20T08:36:00.000-08:00

Last Thursday night the Crush took the ice late night against the always unfriendly "Rockers". Three Crush "power" players showed up to the rink with a combined blood alcohol content approaching 1.0. Having a few cold beers is generally encouraged buy the Crush organization, but if you have loss of motor skills and you are puking in the tunnel between shifts maybe it's time for bed.

The Rockers started off the scoring early in the first with a weak goal from "Eastside". Now I don't know for sure who was more embarrassed; me for letting Eastside touch the puck in our zone, or our goalie for letting Eastside penetrate the goal line with an end over end wrister. Eastside proved to be the Rockers strength in the first, but for the Crush....the booze was just wearing off enough. Swenson finished the period off with two quick one's and Broadbridge got the helper's on both. The score at the end of the first was Rockers 2 - Crush 4.

The second period had me worried. Not because of the score, but because every time I turned around I saw Haines's old lady pounding Bud's out of what appeared to be the team's measly 18-pack. I agree with Haines, who said "Some people on the team didn't need any more beer". I, on the other hand, need my post game fix like I need air to breathe. Luckily the locker room cleared out faster than usual and the usual band of brothers got what they were thirsty for. The score at the end of the second was Rockers 5 - Crush 7.

I can't remember what happened in the third, but I bet I can summarize it for you fairly accurately based on passed history. The Crush were running up the score so the opposing team started gooning it up. It didn't help that our fighters were juiced up and found it easier to mix it up than back check. Blah blah blah, Crush win. I have to take this opportunity to apologize to our sober-not-so goalie Chris Gomez. Usually about one time per season I will accidentally tip in a goal past my own tender. Well, last Thursday night lightning struck twice. Daddy fatty tipped in on off his stick and one off his fat skinny. Sorry Gomez.

BOX SCORE:

First Period:

- Rockers (Eastside)
1. Broadbridge (Bart, Haines)
2. Edmunds (Swenson)
- Rockers
3. Swenson (Broadbridge)
4. Swenson (Broadbridge)

Second Period:

5. Becker (Broadbridge, Bart)
6. Edmunds (Bart, Gomez)
- Rockers
- Rockers
7. Haines (Becker, Edmunds)
- Rockers

Third Period:

8. Haines (Bondo)
- Rockers
9. Swenson (Haines, Edmunds)
10. Becker (Haines, Soucek)
- Rockers
- Rockers

GAME MVP: Nate Haines (despite the lack of beers)

NEXT GAME: Tonight Feb 20th @ 9:00pm versus the Wolfpack. (Beerman - Tom)

As Usual The Beer Tasted Great

2006-02-15T15:37:00.000-08:00

This is the hardest part of any sports writer's career. Reliving this first conference loss of the season to our biggest rival, The Dogs. You might think that this loss will affect The Crush negatively, maybe have us take a step back and realize we are only human. This, however, is clearly not the case. Those bastard son's of the Red Army got lucky. They got a few bounces, we gave up a few breakaways, but all in all I would credit the loss to goaltending. Not the Crush's goalie, hell no, Edmunds played great. Chris Edmunds not only helps the Crush as an offensive threat, but he also serves as a back-up goalie. Mark, the Dog's goalie, also stood on his head. He usually shuts down the Crush, and Monday night was no exception. In order to beat this team, we need to find out how to put the puck in the net.

I would like to take this opportunity to congratulate The Dogs. You may not realize what you have done, but The Crush have picked apart every other team in this league. The Dogs not only beat us on the score board, but they did it with class. Hats off to you guys and I look forward to the next meeting. One last compliment before I go back to talking shit. I was not only impressed with Red's skills on the ice, but in the locker room as well. They iced as much or more beer than the Crush and proceeded to drink long into the night. Keep it up boys, we're here for the beer.

Breaking News: With Josh Skinner out the Crush are in dire need of a goaltender. Well boys, our prayers may have been answered. I took a call yesterday from, former Crush starter, Chris Gomez. That's right bitches, Shomez is back in blue this Thursday night. Bring the wife and kids, it should be quite the Circus out there.

BOX SCORE:

First Period:

1. Nate Haines
- Dogs
- Dogs
2. Nate Haines

Second Period:

- Dogs

Third Period:

3. Mike Hayes
- Dogs
- Dogs
4. Bondo (Hayes, Swenson)
- Dogs
5. Williams (Haines)

Next Game: Thursday Feb. 16th @ 10:00pm versus the Rockers (Beerman - Nate Haines)

Crush Unleash "Secret Weapon" Against Ponies

2006-02-13T07:58:00.000-08:00

Josh Lunski, a former Crush stand-out, was back to the Garden last week for a meeting with the Ponies. Josh recently ended his career with the Los Angeles kings due to a "rash" on one of his lower extremities. His remarkable career was commemorated with the Kings retiring his jersey and giving him a hot blonde as a going away present.

Josh's hockey career began in Grand Forks, North Dakota where he played high school puck for the Red River Roughriders. In Josh's three years at Red River he was privileged to share the ice with the best hockey players Manvel, North Dakota has ever delivered. Paul Murphy and Mark Bry are not only related, but also share the spot light with consecutive "Mr. Hockey" titles. A lot of their success was a direct result of the selfless play of Lunski. Leading the Roughriders in assists, Lunski was generally behind the scenes. His talent was not overlooked by some...

In the years to follow Josh worked his way up the ranks playing for some minor beer league teams and a few intermeral outings. After being shuffled through the system for a few years Josh moved to Bozeman, MT to play for the mighty Blue Crush. Josh "carried" the team to two consecutive play-off births. The Crush never won a title under Lunski's wing, but the team grew as a whole.

Lunski left the Crush to play for the Kings in the 2002-2003 season. He was L.A.'s leading scorer, as well as, their enforcer for his two and a half year career. Only recently has Josh returned to Montana to entertain his fall-back career of Mechanical Engineering. He currently resides in Missoula, MT and had vowed to hang up the skates for good. Luckily for the Crush's extended roster he didn't.

Josh returned to the Ice Garden last Wed. night to settle some old scores and share a few beers with his old teammates. Josh hasn't lost a step, and the Crush newcomers soon found out what all the fuss was about. Any time Lunski puts on that old blue jersey the fans fill the stands, the opposing goalie gets a red neck, and the beer flows like wine. After the game Mike Hayes told Josh, "You can be my wingman anytime". Josh replied, "No, you can be mine".

With Lunski's help the Crush were able to mount the Ponies in a third period come back win. The Crush scored six unanswered goals in the third to extinguish and hopes for a Ponytail victory.

Box Score:

First Period:

1. Swenson (Hayes, Soucek)
- Ponies
2. Edmunds (Bondo)
- Ponies

Second Period

- Ponies
- Ponies
3. Swenson (Haines)
- Ponies
- Ponies
4. Swenson (Hayes)

Third Period

5. Edmunds (Haines, Bart)
6. Swenson (Hayes, Bart)
7. Becker (Bart, Haines)
8. Swenson (Bondo)
9. Swenson (Lunski)
10. Lunski

Next Game: Tonight Monday Feb. 13th at 9:00pm versus The Dogs. (Beerman - Skinner)

Crush Edge Wolfpack

2006-02-01T07:10:00.000-08:00

I recall lipping off about the Wolfpack being old, and they are, but they still got it. They started off the first period with two unanswered goals. I literally blinked and it was two nutz. Thank god Carl Swenson was able to find the back of the net for two late in the period to close the first at a 2-2 tie.

The second period started off much like the first. The "pack" scored three unanswered goals and this is where things started to heat up. As I have said before the Crush are the classiest team in the league and win or lose they still enjoy the ice cold beers. Well, for me, and many of the Crush bench, it was hard to contain the frustration. I wasn't so much upset by score, but more by the style of play.

For example, I chased a puck into the corner versus some four foot tall prick in a white shirt. He won the race, but I proceeded to pin him up against the wall with my ass and took the puck away. This, in my opinion, was a very clean play. As I start to move the puck up the boards I feel a punch to the back of my helmet. Now what the fuck is that about? I made the pass and turned to happy fists and told him "nice punch, fat ass". Apparently he was at a loss for words because all he could come up with is, "you're the fat ass". Nice come back, wipe it off your ass.

Example number 2, some douche bag is coming down 1-on-1 with daddy. I poke check the puck between his legs around the hash marks and proceed to put my hands up on his chest to slow his role. I knew we were getting close to the net, what I didn't know is that Capt. Insane-O was going to send me back first into the post and proceed to ride me thru the crease. The he tells me to "keep my hands down". Alls I could come up with is "run me over why don't you". Weak I know, but none the less he was sent to the penalty box to feel shame. My back still hurts, maybe next time my goalie will stick up for me...

Enough about me, here's how it finished up...The second period ended with a score of 5-3 wolf pack. The third was a different story.

The opening shift added one for the Crush with a tic-tac-toe attempt from the scoring line of Edmunds, Haines, and Becker. Next was a goal by Mike Hayes who took the puck from the face-off dot through the opposing center man, two defense men, and the tender to tie the game at 5. He returned to the bench with four smoldering jock straps. The Wolfpack answered with a "cheaters tally" that rang off the post. Swenson tied the game and Edmunds won it. His late breakaway saved the Crush from a tie and worse yet a potential loss.

BOX SCORE:

First Period:

- Wolfpack
- Wolfpack
1. Swenson (Hayes)
2. Swenson (Bart)

Second Period:

- Wolfpack
- Wolfpack
- Wolfpack
3. Swenson (Bart)

Third Period:

4. Edmunds (Haines, Becker)
5. Hayes
- Wolfpack
6. Swenson (Hayes)
7. Edmunds

MVP(s): Adam Becker & Ken Williams

Next Game: Tonight Feb. 1 at 9:00pm versus Big Sky (Beer Man: Pete Bondo)

Blue Crush "ROCK" the Rockers

2006-01-29T13:33:00.000-08:00

Last week the Crush handled the Rockers up and down the ice. The game was one sided from the start. Nathan Haines started the scoring early in the first with an amazing wrist shot up stairs. This generally selfless player may have had something to prove as his beautiful girlfriend, Jodi, was in the stands toting a video camera. As you might have predicted Haines finished the game with three goals and the games MVP.

With Crush starting goalie, Josh Skinner, out with a vaginal sprain we had to dig deep into the archives to find former junior A star, Mike Gomez. This mouth from the east is an outstanding tender with a style of his own. If you can imagine a goalie chasing every loose puck into the corner, with or without pressure from the opposition, that is Gomez. He not only plays every loose puck, but he stick handles and plays the body if he has to. It is exciting to watch and sometimes nerve wracking. I believe the only goal he let in was one that he shot at an opposing player and it bounced into the open net. Other than this minute blunder, Gomez's game was flawless and he definitely passed the Crush try-out. I don't want to sound like the Crush are breaking up with Josh Skinner, because that is definitely not the case. We look forward to his healthy return, and until then he is in our prayers.

The rest of the game went as any game tends to go when the Crush start running up the score...."chippy" to say the least. The opposing collection of misfits realized they couldn't hang and started in with the stick work. Is there any class left in this league? Is the Crush the only team left that enjoys the cold beer more than a win or loss? In any event, we made it through with no major brawls.

The Crush return to the ice tonight, Sunday Jan. 29th, at 9:00pm versus the Wolfpack. Speaking of "old ballz", the "pack" has blown the dust off their jocks for another winter session. Good luck guys.

BOX SCORE:

First Period:

1. Haines from Edmunds
2. Haines from Becker

Second Period:

3. Swenson from Bart (hail mary)
4. Broadbridge from Swenson
- Rockers

Third Period:

5. Swenson from Bart (hail mary)
6. Edmunds from Becker
7. Haines from Edmunds
8. Broadbridge unassisted
9. Becker from Haines

MVP: Nathan Haines

Next Game: Sunday Jan. 29th versus Wolfpack at 9:00pm (Beer Man - Adam Becker)

Ponies Rode Hard and Put Away Wet

2006-01-20T10:09:00.000-08:00

Nine Crush regulars showed up last night and proved that they are the team to beat this season. Cody Bart started the scoring in the first period with a top shelf wrist shot from the top of the slot. Crush fans you aren't going to believe this...Bart actually called for a pass from Carl Swenson and that selfish little bastard slid one across. The flood gates were officially open. The first period was secured with goals from Swenson, Adam Becker, Mike Hayes, and a second from Bart. The score was 8-2 after one.

Two late first period goals gave the Ponies a glimmer of hope. This hope was soon "crushed" with a shorthanded goal from Swenson and Broadbridge. The Ponies answered with a break away goal from the mascot and chief punk, Luke...a.k.a. "Pony Boy". His appearance is summed up by the cage I wore in termites, you know the one with the big eye holes, long red sideburns and a lengthy red ponytail. "Pony Boy" again proved to have great hands and a bad attitude. The rest of the second was seemingly all Crush with a late period break down. The opposition managed three goals in the last few minutes of play. The score at the end of the second was 12-6.

The third period was all Crush. The SC1 line was all out of goals and SC2 had to rise to the occasion, and that they did. The Crush scored three unanswered goals in the third to seal the deal. Two water bottle raising goals, one by Edmunds, and one by Adam Becker, made tea late night edition of Sports Center.

BOX SCORE:

First Period:

1. Bart from Swenson
2. Swenson from Broadbridge & Hayes
3. Becker Unassisted
4. Hayes from Swenson & Broadbridge
5. Hayes From Broadbridge & Swenson
6. Pete Bondo Unassisted (five hole)
7. Bart from Soucek
- Ponies
- Ponies
8.Swenson from Broadbridge & Hayes

Second Period:

9. Swenson from Broadbridge (short handed)
- Ponies
10. Broadbridge from Swenson
- Ponies
11. Edmunds from Haines & Becker
12. Edmunds from Bart
- Ponies
- Ponies
- Ponies

Third Period:

13. Edmunds Unassisted (water bottle)
14. Becker from Haines & Edmunds
15. Becker Unassisted (water bottle)

MVP: Josh Skinner (GOALIE)

Next Game: Wed. Jan 25th at 9:00pm versus the Rockers (Broadbridge - Beer Man)

Swenson Hunts for Ponies

2006-01-19T08:01:00.000-08:00

With the return of Carl Swenson, from his latest scouting trip to Florida, brings back an old dimension to the Crush offense...Although "suck-hole's" are frowned upon in our opposition, we let it slide in Carl's case. The stats speak for themselves. Carl's tally of break-away and garbage goals combined led the team in scoring. The word "assist", however, is one that seems to have escaped Carl's vocabulary.

Tonight the Crush take on the cross town rival "ponies" in their hunt for a 2006 play-off birth.

The ponies return to the scene with their usual whiny antics and cheap style of play. Our only advantage looks like it's between the pipes. As of late, the Ponies have been shopping goalies, as have the Crush, but they haven't seemed to find the right guy for the job. The Crush have picked up MSU stand-out Josh Skinner. And as long as we can limit his beer drinking before the game we should have a fighting chance to pull out a win.

I look forward to seeing the stands covered in blue and the post game autograph session in the Crush locker room. Carl Swenson will not only be responsible for entertainment on the ice, but he is listed as "beer-man". Let's wet our lips to a new season of Crush Hockey!

Public Apology

2006-01-04T12:31:00.000-08:00

Apparently people actually read this thing they are just too scared to post comments. I would like to take this opportunity to assure you all that Levi Shugart is not a bitch and indeed I am!

I would also like to let anyone who is offended after reading this blog know they are welcome to take turns licking my sweaty coin purse.

"Bart Finally Gets a Pair"

2006-01-02T09:51:00.000-08:00

First off, Merry New Year. Hopefully everyone had a safe and happy holidays.

Thought I might humor the boys with a post cleverly titled in the locker room after our last two games. Cody Bart did indeed grow a pair and found the back of the net twice in both of his last two games of the Fall Session. Regretfully, he was on the I.R. for the semifinal game versus the "Red Army". The Crush suffered a loss knocking them out of playoffs. This placed the Dream Team at 3rd or 4th for the 2005 Fall Session.

I would like to take this opportunity to report on some post season shenanigans that occured in the locker room during the Blue Crush's quarterfinal game versus BBN. Apparently the "Red Army" found it amusing to drink Crush beers while the Crush were on the ice. Not only did they they steal mother's milk from the Mighty Blue, they refilled nearly six beer bottles with water, capped them, and put them back on ice. You can't even imagine the surprise of the Crush players as they tokk their first guzzle of rink water. Anyone who knows the Crush knows this; the only thing we like better then running up the score one some pond pussies is downing beers shortly after the buzzer sounds. I guess, a couple members of the Crush pulled a some pranks on Red the next evening, but this is only scratching the surface in my opinion.

I am not sure when the 2006 Winter session gets under way, but I will keep you posted. Crush try-outs will take place soon.

BREAKING NEWS: Rumors circulating Levi Shugart of BBN(Green) picked up by the Dogs(Red) as a free agent. Levi was approached by the Crush, but turned down all offers. In a late night locker room interview Levi stated, "I am looking for a more mature team". I had only one responce, "good luck, bitch".

Blast From the Past

2005-12-12T07:58:00.000-08:00

Here is an oldie but a goodie written by the best sports writer of all time...

ROCKY MOUNTAIN SPORTS REPORT

Feb 19, 2004

Crush VS Big Sky

After the game, as the two teams shake hands and gather on center ice to salute the three "Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition” fans standing in the hot tub , the television viewers nationwide gawk in quiet, respectful awe. They have witnessed a rare and amazing phenomenon….that moment in history when fans and players join in the simultaneous, symbiotic celebration of one of the greatest games on earth.... a miracle on ice… where the frenzied play has elevated the crowd to a furor never before witnessed at a sporting event. And I have the honor of somehow trying to record that event in this, the “Rocky Mountain Sports Report”.

The evening starts with the usual request from Carl’s locker room girls. Can Tony “The Tiger” Martel open the hot tub for the pre game warm-up? Agonizingly, he succumbs to the request, but he fears that this time some of the players could be lulled into euphoria during warm-ups with these beautiful hot tub “sirens”. Muttering to the players to keep focused on the game, he files out, following the bath-robed beauties to the hot tub that overlooks the sheet of ice. On that promontory, a pinnacle that commands a great view of the play below, a girl, wrapped in my autographed towel, joins the pre- game party.
Skating onto the ice, Tony makes a quick head count to assure all the players suited up for the hockey game (not the hot tub game). With all accounted for, the Crush dazzled the crowd with their pre-game drills. Patrick Broadbridge, the league’s leading net minder, was already showing those watching that the little black puck was never going to see the back of his net! Peculiar though, a warm up slap shot rocketed wildly off Josh Lunski’s stick and ricocheted into the crowd….forewarning of things to come.

In the minutes before the puck was dropped, Captain Broadbridge knitted the players into those magic lines that had created an offensive power house second to none. Carl (Crashin’) Swenson, Josh (Lungin’) Lunski, Tony (The Tiger) Martel, and Chris (The Earl) Edmunds, Kyle (Rasty) Rassmussen, Zach (Attack) Lund. I’ll tell you, that match up of puck handling talent is exactly what these people came to see. Unfortunately, as the referee dropped the puck, our 1st line center, Josh Lunski was spell bound. With his head angled up towards the “babes” on the hot tub promontory, euphoria had set in! As the opponents raced down the ice towards our goalie Patrick, Josh skated aimlessly for the tunnel leading toward the “sirens”, littering the ice with his abandoned gear. The Crush were momentarily paralyzed, aghast that their leader was drawn towards the passion of the pool, away from the stardom of championship hockey! After 23 minutes, Big Sky 5, the Mighty Crush 0.
Regrouping in the locker room between periods, Kenny (Wild Thing) Williams urged the team to focus on the game….”forget the pull of passion and focus on moving the puck!” Says Kyle (Rasty) Rassmussen, “ Crashin’ Carl brought those babes, he is goin’ to have to step up! Forget about missing Josh! Feed me the puck…I can bury it!!!!” Chris Edmunds spouts out, “We’ve lost our focus when we lost Josh, and we’re playing like we would all rather be in that hot tub! Forget about being jealous of Josh! Those babes are still watching this hockey game, man, and we need to show them we’ve got what it takes!” After two periods and 4 unanswered goals, Big Sky 5, Crush 4! Chris was right! The “sirens” were watching us and not Josh! After each goal these “European” beauties would stand up and “flash” their approval!!!! Edmunds liked the viewing the best, 2 goals and 2 assists. Kyle poured in an empty netter from a beautiful feed from Zach. Soucek hit from the blueline. Those babes got results!!!!

The 3rd saw spectacular play on both ends of the ice. The two goalies literally shut down the game. Our own, Patrick Broadbridge made one amazing stop after another! With the Crush unable to penetrate, Josh was torn with guilt! With 6 minutes remaining, do these babes want me back on the ice so they can show their stuff? Quarterbacking from the hot tub, Josh yells....” I’ll stay put up here….pull the goalie and get 6 guys up front!!!!” Final score: Big Sky 6 Crush 4.

In the locker room post game show, the Rocky Mountain Sports Report asked the “Swimsuit Edition” if Josh would be given any points for his hot tub effort. (He had player of the game aspirations). Categorically denied. Edmunds as player of the game? With all those points and assists? Conditionally denied. Said one of the sirens, “He just liked the viewing right after he scored!” Carl “Crashin” Swenson for bringin’ the babes? Well. Maybe. How about Patrick for shuttin’ down Big Sky in the third? Says the girl in my autographed towel---“Absolutely! Without a doubt!” There you have it. Patrick Broadbridge MVP!

POST SCRIPT: In the frozen meat contest (the strongest legs) conducted by the same celebrities directly following the game, Tony “The Tiger” tied with “Crashin’” Carl. The sirens demurely turned down Carl’s offering of a tie breaker. Of course this sports writer entered the contest, but facing obvious notoriety, barely flexed his wares.

Ken Williams